Mindfulness means "maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens," according to Berkley University.

It's a fantastic tool to have up your sleeve when you're working on improving your mental wellbeing. However, we all have heard how detrimental social media - and Facebook in particular - can be, harmful for minds young and old alike, so I am examining today how mindfulness can help us improve our relationship with these modern platforms. 

How To Use Facebook Mindfully: Examining 6 Top Reasons People Love That Platform!

1. It's great for reminding you of birthdays. An 'on-the-day' reminder may be too late to post a gift, but at least you can drop them a message. How can you be mindful about this? You could set aside some time to write the birthday boy/girl a proper message, or give them a call. From another angle you could look ahead for the month and remember who is coming up with celebration days. How do you feel about that? Would you like to do more for them than sending them a quick meme?

2. Attention seekers - a perfect tool for them!
Posting what you had for lunch, a post-workout selfie, updating the world with photos of the slow growing cactus in your greenhouse... The people who incessantly share mundane moments in their life are looking for validation and don't have much in the 'real' life to entertain themselves, IMO! Yes, share your life and connect with others, but we don't all need to know all the things. Tackling this mindfully could be to unfollow friends who post mindless crap - they won't know you've done so - and be aware of what you're posting yourself. Ask yourself why you're posting this. Should you be connecting directly with someone specific, or actually talking about what the reader may see between the lines? Don't feel like you should  comment on everything, especially inflammatory posts. 

3. "I like to stalk people."
Perusing other people's profiles obsessively can be just that: An obsession. Be it a crush, an ex, a role model, a celebrity... Perhaps more of us have done this that would possibly admit... Sure, no one will know you're looking at their profile, but isn't that a little sinister? Facebook has a specific FAQ on their help centre which addresses this, so it is VERY common.

If you're worried you may be bordering on unhealthy levels of social stalking, a way to tackle this mindfully can be to set yourself a time limit, or set yourself boundaries as to who you allow yourself to browse and scroll through. Also, make a point of registering how you feel when you observe what these people post - if it makes you feel negatively, there's your sign. Perhaps it's time to let go of the hold that ex-boyfriend has on you.

4. Facebook can help while away boring moments in your day. 
But these moments should be just that - moments. Small sections of time when life is quiet, paused - my favourite example of this is when I'm at the bus stop. It's rare, so it's not a great example, but that situation is when I find myself reaching for my phone for entertainment, without fail. In general though, life is too short and too interesting to be scrolling through masses of cat videos and family photo albums by people you wouldn't go for a coffee with. 

5. "It is an essential tool for my work."
This resonates with me more than any of the other five reasons. I believe if I didn't get 90% of my cake orders through Facebook I would use it much less. It's a great source of exposure for my little local business, and such an easy way to engage with customers. I take an approach which has a formula for my business postings - albeit a very simple one - in regard to content, but it seems to work, and keeps me focussed on why I am posting at all. I also try to keep a strict limit on how much time I spend on this. 

6. It's a great way to follow a cause or charity. 
These organisations love their followers, but you're only useful to them if you like and share. And ultimately donate, in most cases. So why not be a little mindful of your causes following and only really follow and engage with the ones you really care about? Go one step further and volunteer!

How have I stepped away from Facebook myself?
I'm not here to prescribe anything or to tell you what to do, this is purely me sharing what has worked for me. 

  - I've turned off my Facebook mobile notifications - I only see I have notifications when I actively log on. 
  - I installed a phone activity tracker for a week to see how many times I checked for messages. It was
    shocking. I have since turned off notifications for Whatsapp and Instagram too. It is me who decides when I look at
    my phone, not a pinging sound. 
  - I often take a break from Facebook - mostly when I go on holiday. I want to be present for me, for my family, to get
​    the most out of the precious times we have together. This also works at the end of the day - I don't touch social
    media after around 8pm to help clear my mind before bed. 
  - This isn't a Facebook thing, but a wider social media point - I've really stepped back from Twitter now, with my
    business hat on. I researched where my orders come from and the engagements through tweets were not fruitful
    enough. I now focus more in Instagram and Facebook. I dip in and out of Twitter still, but only when there's
    something specific happening, like #collabhour or a national food day (e.g. Chocolate Cake Day - Jan 27th - when I
    share my chocolate creations). 
  - I only share what truly amuses or informs me, something I really care about and I've enjoyed
    reading/watching and think my friends may gain something from it. Otherwise, what is the point?
  - I've had a 'friend purge', cutting right back to people I'd actually care to see updates from. This knocked out some
    old school friends I realistically know nothing about aside from what they've posted recently, and businesses who
    have their own profiles and are based far from where I live now we've moved. 

Facebook will always throw in a curveball, the odd advert/possible connection/news article/blog post/friend update to tempt you to buy or view elsewhere or connect with someone you don't really know; that's their business. You can control what you see, to a degree, (especially by having a purge, like above) even though the algorithms have massive control.

Being 'present' and aware of your activities and emotions helps. Try not to mindlessly scroll, but actively look for people/things which interest you. Facebook is the biggest social network in the world, but you don't want or need to know about it all. 

In summary, and as Parentology says, too much Facebook is bad for your health. Actually, the Guardian suggests that a 'Facebook holiday' -  taking a break from it - can be very beneficial, especially for heavy users or 'lurkers'. Yes, it's addictive, but maybe turn those notifications off for a while to resist temptation. But when you do log in, try to be mindful about how you're using the app, for your own wellbeing's sake. 

Let me know what you think - am I talking sense? Anyone have any more tips?

Lou x

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​It’s perhaps a bigger challenge on some days/weeks than others, but listening to your body, respecting yourself and your boundaries, and sometimes just forgiving yourself can help you ‘have your own back’.  

Here are ten ways you can foster a greater self-love for yourself – you’re worth it!

1. Protect your ‘you’ time – speaking as a mum of a toddler, this comes from the heart! I try to make sure I do something for my own pleasure each day, like baking, finishing my book, having a really long walk…
2. Don’t believe everything you think. A self-help Lifehack website says “There is an inner critic inside of us trying to keep us small and safe. The downside is this also stops us from living a full life.”
3. Celebrate the small wins. When the last year or two has made it difficult to get together with folks we would celebrate with, find a little reason to do so at home on a smaller scale. 
4. Nourish yourself – your body and mind will have a better chance if you fuel it with good nutritious food and lots of water.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others. Period.
6. Surround yourself with people who love and encourage you – this includes ending toxic relationships. This is difficult, but you’ll feel so much free-er afterwards!
7. Allow yourself to make mistakes. We all make them, so remember that sometimes learning from them can help you move forward.
8. Don’t place your value on how you look. A ‘good hair day’ is a wonderful thing, and a toned body is great, but you are so much more than good legs!
9. Forgive yourself. If you’re ashamed or feeling guilty about something, perhaps try to make amends and let it go.
10. Don’t worry too much about what other people think. Trying to do what society expects or trying to please everyone all the time is exhausting and impossible!

 

​Finally, I find it helpful to imagine I am a friend of mine listening to how I don’t feel so great about who I am or how I feel – how would they react? What would they say or do?
 
Have a wonderful November and take care, 

Lou x

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Born to be a Tourist

Lou x

Find me on Facebook
...and on Twitter
Born to be a Tourist

It looked like 'Old' was a perfect film for us: Beach scenes, a mysterious thriller, and an early finish! An all-star cast isn't always enjoyed, and big effects can get a bit wearing film after film, so how did 'Old' stack up? Here's my review, on the theme of mindfulness, the well being booster tactic, in the movie. 

'Old' is one of those movies that you don't know if on brief reflection you really enjoyed. We both agreed we wouldn't watch it again, but mostly because we now knew the ending. The premise was interesting, probably better for being a book before the movie was made: A 'paradise' beach which ages people a year every 30 mins they're there. The tourists can't escape and, along with a rapid advancement of age - and in some cases of growing up a little ​ too fast - a mini mental breakdown of some individuals does start to begin, which was interesting, especially the Instagram model who couldn't bear anyone seeing her age. The acting left a bit to be desired across the board really; the best actors were the teens Alex Wollf and Thomasin McKenzie. 

My eyes stayed glued to the screen, and I really wanted to know how it ended. ​The best bits were when there was some real poignant moments in the relatable themes of aging, puberty and parenting. Just before the now blind father of the main character family dies of old age, he loses his memory but says the most lovely things to his wife he was previously on course for a divorce with, and questions why they ever wanted to leave the beach: "It's beautiful." It really spoke to me about mindfulness, enjoying the moment, and the value of being with who you love. 

When Kara gives birth, I really felt quite emotional. I had my first child just two years ago, and, of course, the baby died less than a minute after it was born - one month is about a minute on the beach, and he died purely of neglect with not enough love, feed or sleep. This was very well done, and Kara really seems to grieve, even being so young and after only having been pregnant for maybe 30 mins and being a mum for less than 60 seconds! Mindfulness even featured here, in the rushed episode of motherhood, when Trent buries the baby with his own hands, in the sand. This must have felt cathartic, in a way, for the character. 

I also loved when the adult version of Trent (the boy in the main family) suggests to his now adult older sister that they make some sandcastles before they go off together to try a desperate attempt of escape, one most likely to fail. This was beautiful, reminding us that they were still only six and nine (I estimate) in the 'real world', and it was a little emotional seeing them bond for perhaps one final time, again, being mindful in a moment. I'm a big fan of the 'M' word, you may have guessed. The sand's texture, the fun sandcastle building brings, the companionship... The sandcastles making was a clear nod to the original story by Pierre Oscar Levy too, was very thoughtful of the screenplay writers. 

I have to say though, the Director M Night Shyamalan has produced some corkers before (e.g. The Sixth Sense), and sadly, this can't be counted as one of his greats. The execution was a bit ropey, and the end should have stopped at the twist, but I don't think even the pandemic can be blamed for that (it was filmed in 2020 on location). Also, there was no explanation why the famous guy wasn't aging or, in fact, more likely, dead, when the new arrivals find him at the beach. Goof?

In summary, I wouldn't avoid 'Old', but you won't miss much if you wait until it hits home viewing. It was good enough for date night and definitely provoked some thinking. How about a 7/10?

Lou x

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Born to be a Tourist

This week is World Breastfeeding Week (1st Aug to 7th Aug), run by the World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action - WABA. WABA is a global network of individuals and organisations dedicated to the protection, promotion and support of breastfeeding worldwide.
​
Breastfeeding is a personal choice and there are a few reasons why women will choose not to breastfeed (or may not be capable of doing so). WABA have been running World Breastfeeding Week since 1992 to promote the benefits of breastfeeding and to encourage a world where it is accepted and safe for women to do so in public too.

The objectives of World Breastfeeding Week 2021 are to:

- Inform people about the importance of breastfeeding;
- Anchor breastfeeding support as a vital public health responsibility;
- Engage with individuals and organisations for greater impact;
- and Galvanise action on protecting breastfeeding to improve public health.

How can you support a breastfeeding mother?

As a woman:
• Play an important role in securing unbiased information and support for breastfeeding and providing it to others
• Aim breastfeeding for the first six months, if you can andnif appropriate, having the courage to ask for support if needed
• Discuss complementary foods/feeding and continued breastfeeding from 6-24+ months
• Speak about breastfeeding as a feminist issue and support each other to breastfeed in public
• Share experiences to build a mother’s own confidence in her breastfeeding journey

As a man:
• Be aware of the negative influence of industry promotion practices on breastfeeding
• Play a proactive role in the decision to breastfeed and attend antenatal and postnatal classes to learn more about breastfeeding
• Promote the participation of men in parenting and domestic responsibilities including providing emotional support to their partners
• Empower breastfeeding mothers by raising awareness of and maintaining optimum breastfeeding practices
• Form a network with other fathers and family members within the community to support breastfeeding mothers

Breastfeeding mothers are protected under the Equality Act 2010. The Equality Act 2010 says that it is against the law to treat a woman unfavourably because she is breastfeeding. This covers any business or organisation that provides services to the public and it applies to any staff and customers of that business or organisation.

Lou x
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Even the words brighten my outlook, because I know what good they do. I'm off to cuddle my daughter and take the dog for a nature walk. Hello serotonin and oxytocin!
​
Be well, 

Lou x

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Born to be a Tourist

Four Podcasts Which Could Boost Your Mental Wellbeing
​
I admit, I was late to the whole ‘listening to podcasts’ thing and struggled to find ones I liked for a long time. However, I have found some awesome wellbeing podcasts, and I’m sharing in the hope that someone reading this finds a gem too.
​

1. The Therapy Edit – my favourite of what I’ve found in recent months, not least because it’s only 10-20 mins long. My stamina for podcast listening is quite short, but this one ran through Lockdown (1) and is still available. So helpful and I always feel better after listening to Anna Mathur, who is ‘taking therapy out of the therapy room.’

 

1. The Happiness Lab – a relatively long listen on Spotify, but I find breaking it up using the advert breaks useful. The most recent episode I’ve tuned into was ‘For whom the alarm clock tolls’ – appealed to both my sleep loving and Metallica loving self! – and was really insightful about ‘time confetti’. I really have this concept featuring daily in my life and had no idea! #workinprogress
   
   
2. Fearne Cotton’s Happy Place – another Spotify gem, even if you don’t know exactly who the celebrity guests are. A really wide, honest spectrum of experiences, and often an eye-opener. From Tom Daley to Joe Wicks, Dawn French to Tom Kerridge, learn what makes these celebs happy and maybe pick up some tips yourself.
   
   
3. Finally, the Mindful Mix on BBC Sounds. This is a classical, calming mix tape, and it really takes the pressure off trying to think of relaxing classical music to chill out to.
   
   

Enjoy!

Lou x

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Really, returning to work post Maternity leave felt like a release from Lockdown. Of course, I am still socially distancing and respecting the 'number rules' for meeting people, but having a new focus of going back to work after 13 months of Mat Leave felt like a big change. It wasn't unwelcome, just because of the freedom it felt like, however much I wanted to stay being a full-time mum. I also enjoyed using my brain in a new way!

Also, Lockdown had moved on a bit since then. Gone was the three month total Lockdown where we were not supposed to leave the house apart form a daily walk and medical/food supply runs. Things definitely felt more normal. I only really have missed the cinema, and only a little. When I was pregnant I basically slept for nine months (!!) so we didn't go out at all really, and when baby arrived we had other things on our plate, obviously. I'd like to say I'm missing gigs and theatres, but experiencing that part of city culture was rare for me, however enjoyable they were before Lockdown.

I think how I'm feeling now, like many other people, is we are firmly in a 'new normal'. And this 'new normal' isn't temporary, like the 'normal' we were subjected to in the early summer. Thank goodness that didn't last an enormously long time (and that the weather was so great!), and let's hope national Lockdown doesn't happen again.

I appreciate many people are fearing job losses, suffering health issues, and worried for their children mixing at school, but for us, we're feeling lucky. This form of Lockdown isn't so bad. It's all relative, isn't it; comparing these days to days back in April, it's a totally different situation down here in Bristol. London and the north is struggling in particular, and comparing my situation to people who have family members with Covid or who need to shield isn't really fair, but we're doing ok. What has really helped is all the socially distanced dog walking with a friend or two, and having one of my closest mates support bubbling with us. She lives on her own, so it's totally legit, but honestly, I feel like the support is more for me!!!

What has been quite different in the last three months is my day job. I work part-time as a PA in a government department, and every day, in normal times, I'd take the Park & Ride into the city centre, working in an open plan office with over 1000 desks. Now I'm working from home indefinitely, which is totally different. There's a whole blog on that subject alone, but it's mainly a good thing, and I feel much safer than having to use public transport and mix with people I have no idea how well they are following the government safety guidelines. I am blessed to have a job I can work from home with, keeping a routine is so helpful. 

Two weeks ago I started a new role (same department). This was a strange process with a video interview and starting work on day one in my spare room. El Husbandio and I both work in the same room Tuesdays and Thursdays - I think that'll be the biggest challenge!! We're already kind of on top of each other day and night.

Of course, I'm saying "roll on that vaccine!" and I miss my friends and family - and the warm weather!!! - but honestly, I'd love to keep working from home. It's so easy to fit in walking the dog, receiving deliveries, managing nursery drop offs/collections, it's (mostly) quiet, I have my home comforts... I even managed a haircut on my lunchbreak back in August! I do miss the company of my team some days, but it's fast becoming the new normal that we catch up on video and have social check ins. And if my work situation stays this way for a while, I shan't be complaining. 

My lockdown buddies and I are staying safe. We're not being risky (nursery being the only wild card really) and we're hanging in there. 

​Stay safe yourselves! 

Lou x

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I'm going back to work this week after 13 months of maternity leave, and I am full of emotions. I've thoroughly enjoyed being a new mum and having so much time looking after Rox. Honestly, if we could afford it, I wouldn't be going back to work. Consequently it's been a bit of an emotional time lately, and I've felt pressured to 'enjoy the time' I have left with Rox, even through the limits of lockdown. 

Here's a few of the things which have been playing on my mind...

 - Will I remember  what I need to for my role? My brain is a bit mushy right now!
 - Will my new mum crowd drift away?
 - Will our childcare plan work out well? This involves El Husbandio having Rox two days in a row, he'll be learning fast!
 - Will I be as good as my team expect or remember me to be?
 - Is there anything I should do before I return to work to help Rox's development? To enjoy myself?
 - Why are me and El Husbandio at each other this week?
 - How will domestic duties be split now I won't be as available?
 - How will home working work when both of us are in the office?

So many things on my mind!

I had a bad day today with all this - and more - going round my brain. I realised I felt 

This is a bit of a lethal combination for me, the Big Three. These feelings do dominate when I'm having a rough time. Spotting I felt this way is a HUMUNGOUS achievement for me, given I had no emotional awareness a couple of years back. I've worked hard to recognise my emotions and to help let them be and pass, if they're not helpful. 

I didn't want to reflect any more. It was getting too much.

I took some deep breaths. . 
I spent some time in the garden alone. 
I reminded myself I'll still be a mum forever, it's not ending. 
I thought of the near future, how exciting it'll be when Rox is walking, talking...
I made a mental list of all the great things Rox and I are planning for the next year.
I reminded myself that I like my boss, my job, I'm going to go back to having a monthly income. 

And this helped enormously. I start work on Wednesday, and I don't feel terrible about it. Now I feel

  Proud
  Relaxed
  Sad

I'm immensely proud of what I've achieved this year, relaxed about going back to work (slowly does it, it'll feel normal before long), but still a little bit sad still I won't have my little shadow by my side all day. 

And that's ok. 

​Lou x