It was astounding to me how completely my body became all about concentrating on growing a new human; to a large extent and very quickly, I had no control over what it did when, how it functioned, and when I felt good. Added to that, I had more midwife appointments, monthly scans, and various examinations than the norm to check on me and baby, and an induced labour due to the gestational diabetes I developed from week 17. These appointments were often invasive and 'faffy', again, out of my control. 

This, to be honest, was all just par for the course, 100% needing to be done for the health of my baby and me. I was fine with that, Drs, get involved if you need to. When my body felt like it became fair game or visual/tactile/gossipy property of non-medical people I'd come across, that's when I took a bit of an issue. 

As Lindsay Hunter says, "pregnant women are on display. Suddenly, you are someone different. Something different. There’s a strange, infantilizing obsession that others get with a pregnant woman’s shape, her “bump.” This totally resonates with me. Three main occasions stick in my mind in particular of when people seemed to think they could do what they liked, say or ask what they wanted, or get involved in my pregnancy like it was their obsession and right...

1) A colleague I know a little - wouldn't call her even as much as a friend - asked me point blank over the tea point at work if I was constipated. Personal, much! I responded passive aggressively by filling her in COMPLETELY, leaving out no detail. Maybe she'll think twice before enquiring next time. Of all the side effects to ask about. Really. 

2) A stranger (to me, but a neighbour of my mother in law) I came across in the supermarket while helping my MIL shop felt she could try for a connection with the baby (kicks, I assume) by caressing my belly in the queue for the tills. Uninvited was not the word!!

3) Finally, postpartum, another stranger (friend of a friend that said friend and I bumped into while out for coffee) asked me last week - and this is a direct quote - "How's your fanny??" I shit you not. What a question! I'd be unlikely to ask even my closest frinds that, or is it just me??? And, ick, I hate that F word!

Now, if you've read any of my well-being themed blogs before, you know I don't have a problem sharing; I believe in normalising natural things (e.g. breastfeeding) and talking about important subjects, like mental health. Pregnancy is no exception. There's a lot of ignorance and some stigma around gestational diabetes in particular, and I am happy to share my experience, tips and to help people understand. However, there are some things you just do not do or ask someone you don't know well!

Aside from uncomfortable conversations, this is also importantly linked to body image, the theme of Mental Health Awareness Week 2019. When (mostly) well-meaning people you come across touch you, advise you, or probe into your health because you're pregnant, it can make you feel a little self-conscious, even paranoid and worried. No one likes to be reminded of the fact they're carrying more weight, even if it is for the best reason in the world... I was pretty proud of my bump, in awe of my body as a first-time mum, but even I felt a bit weird when a banter-full colleague pointed out that my necklace (a whale tail pendant) matched my body. I wasn't even that big, actually losing weight while preggo! 

Your body is no one's business but your own, so don't feel like you need to grace inappropriate questions and comments with a reply ... or perhaps have a good answer ready to ping back at them. The same goes for invasive touching. If you're not comfortable with people touching your belly, tell them. I had a language barrier in my case, but I still could have removed the woman's hands from my tummy - that would have needed no translation! 

Just because you're having a baby it doesn't make you fair game for public involvement and prying into your health and bodily experiences. Respect and consideration should still be applied. And ladies, remember you're in control here, where as in a lot of the 'joy' of pregnancy you may feel you're not. I certainly didn't - my body was at the mercy of hormones from the diabetes to late-stage emotional outbursts, and I couldn't do anything about it.

If you need yet another reason to be positive about your changing body and to feel like it's YOU who owns it, not any random passer by, take a look at this (American) quick read on how your body image perception can have lasting well-being effects on you and your child. Food for thought. 

And FYI, my 'fanny' is fine. Thanks for your kind concern.

Lou x

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Confidence is beneficial in many or most elements of life: Your love life, as a parent, social situations, work, driving, in the kitchen, even! It's truly got it's fingers in everything. However, even the best of us have a dip every now and then. I've always been a confident person, in so many ways. Some examples...

   - Even when I was a kid I'd chat to strangers in the supermarket
   - I enjoy traveling alone, including as far-flung places as New Zealand
   - In social situations I am chatty, energetic, and I enjoy meeting new people
   - I've done several things a lot of people have commented that they'd be petrified of doing (e.g. chopping off my long hair, caving, a trapeze swing)

But what does all this matter if one day you suddenly lose your confidence? Perhaps you're going through a relationship breakdown. Perhaps you had a fender-bender recently and are more cautious behind the wheel. Perhaps some feedback at work has left you feeling deflated and useless. It could happen. 

Today I'm going to compare my confidence from three years ago to today. 

Three years ago I lost my job. I was already on mild-ish medication for low mood and anxiety, and having counselling once a week (both of which were helping), but this really took my last ounce of confidence away. I remember having my final counselling session two days after I became unemployed. What timing! I was quick to book in some more sessions, let me tell you! That week I had lost more than my income; I lost my circle of work 'mates' (the ' marks are telling, but that's another story!), my routine, my ability to share financial burdens at home, and I realised having never not worked since I was 21, working had become part of my identity. I was also extremely worried how the rest of my life would work out after this sudden blank space appeared on my previously full and interesting CV, and quickly felt like I was turning into a distrusting recluse, unsure how I'd ever get back to work. 

Fast forward to now, and I'm on maternity leave - again, not in work (I'm a week from my due date when the 'real' work begins!), but it feels totally different. I have learned so much about myself in the past three years, my life has grown, and I'm back to my normal confident self. I'm fully aware I'm not 'normal me' at the moment with hormones, sleep patterns, and a changed physical state, but it makes an interesting snapshot. 

(Totally stole this chart idea from Paul, who writes a fantastic blog on mental health. Keep it up, bud! Check out his post about confidence here.)

The chart below is indicative of how I felt three years ago in relation to things which can affect your confidence (can you tell I'm missing work a little, hello Excel!).

​And the following chart is how I am feeling now...

These tables were more of an exercise for me to compare 2016 to 2019 personally, but I thought it may be useful to include. ​What a difference a couple of years makes. I can see some significant changes straight away, the impact of me losing my job and becoming more confident again in a temporary but positive pause in a working life. The biggest changes have been my use of voice and my growth in personal emotional awareness. Financially, again, it's tight, but for a positive reason this time, and being reminded I'm doing a good, responsible job of being pregnant by friends and family, midwives, my husband, is an incredible boost. Sometimes it can be hard to see or remember. I am learning to avoid comparisons with others - who knows how confident they feel themselves? Who knows what their real story is?

This has also reminded me of one of my favourite mantras. It may take some work but

Whatever situation, circumstance, body confidence or emotional crisis, it will eventually pass. Sometimes it needs a little encouragement, some changes, perhaps some personal training to improve your appearance or attitude, but things beyond your control will pass too. 

Missing confidence for me more recently has been more around feeling like I'm not good enough at work, no matter how many times I'm thanked or told I'm doing great. I am sure this feeling will be something I'll  experience as a first-time mum, so it's great to be aware that I can have a tendency to feel like that.  

Right now, confidence-wise it's mainly wonderingments. If that's a word. Will I be a good mum, that's the crux. It's all new to me (us), and many, if not most, new parents will not be able to avoid thinking or worrying about what the future holds for their new arrival. 

The second point I want to highlight is that some of these factors affecting confidence are controllable. Recording your achievements (however small) can help. Keeping on top of weight gain and some new clothes can do wonders for your self-esteem. Others are less in your field of control, like your upbringing, but simple awareness of the factors can make a little difference. 

I've also been lucky to be friends with and work with people don't make me feel like I need to be anyone but myself. 

​Remind yourself of and keep doing things that make you feel confident. Stand tall and know you are a capable person worthy of love!

I guess it would be interesting to see how confident I feel going back to work in a year's time... 

This blog didn't go the way I was planning, so I'm sorry if it's a bit rambly. My brain is clearly out of practice with thinking through big ideas and constructing coherent text at the moment!

Hopefully next time we speak I'll be a mum. One week to go!

Lou x

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I've been on a sugar-free, extremely low carb diet (almost keto) since mid-January due to my gestational diabetes (it's a joy...). The hormones in my body decided I won't be able to process most forms of sugar while I'm pregnant fairly early on, so I've had time to try out a few new things. It can be hard to find tasty desserts and cake that isn't chalky when your diet is this limited, so maybe this will help one or two readers. Let me know what you think!

Photos are from the respective websites

These no bake cookies from Stacey at Soccer Mom Blog went down a treat. Great on their own, or a cheeky dollop of cream. They're quick to make, have the added depth of flavour of peanut butter, and you can feel really smug knowing they're not at all bad for you!

Brenda, from the USA, AKA Sugar-Free Mom has a brilliant recipe for gluten, dairy and sugar-free brownies, and they're gooooood, especially if you like yours fudgy. The beans replace the flour, and they are one of the few keto-friendly desserts without coconut in them, if that's not your thing. Obviously with no flour, they don't rise, so be prepared for a shallow bake or use a smaller traybake tin. 

This was my favourite find. It's hard to find things which aren't chocolate based, but this carrot cake was delicious and I've made it repeatedly when I needed a baked goods fix. A great addition to the breakfast table, even, it's so not naughty! You can tell it's not so sweet, but it's by far and away the best keto cake I've come across. I didn't make the frosting and it was still great. Thanks to Maya, the blogger here!

Yes, you can still eat chocolate on a low sugar low carb diet! I buy Nick's sugar-free chocolate from Amazon, and it worked amazingly in this chocolate bark recipe from Jennifer Banz. Ultra quick, simple ingredients, and a bit of a novelty (or it was at the picnic I took it to). Just watch it doesn't melt on the picnic table in this gorgeous sunshine we've been having!

I've got just three weeks until Baby V is due but I fully intend on continuing to bake mainly less sugary and lower carb recipes. These treats will be a regular in our house even after the pregnancy diabetes has gone!

Why not follow Stacey, Jennifer, Maya and Brenda's blogs, there's a great collection of recipes to be enjoyed. Thanks ladies!

Lou x

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When I was asked to write a piece for Miss Write during Mental Health Awareness Week (#mentalhealthawarenessweek) I couldn't turn it down.
 
This week is one dedicated to breaking through the stigma that's attached to discussing mental health issues, and educating those who are still learning about how mental health affect people differently.
 
The hardest thing for me isn't how to write this piece, but where to start. Which story to share. I may only be in my mid-30's but life's thrown a few challenges my way and I have had many a battle with my own mental health.
 
From a young age, I remember being seen as different. I was loud, quirky, weird and a bit eccentric. An overly enthusiastic kid with a side of harmless trouble thrown in for good measure. Teachers and other parents were a bit wary of this crazy ball of energy bouncing around the classroom.
 
Luckily I was a pretty hardy soul, comments went over my head whilst I distracted myself with the next shiny thing that drew in my interest. The problem is that as you get older, you become aware of what people are saying and thinking about you. No one took interest in WHY I was maybe like that. It's just how I was, so I grew to accept this too. 
 

​Of course, there are dark days for someone who is unsure of why they are the way they are, why they have burnouts, why people take a step back from you or treat you differently. As I grew up, this led to bouts of depression.
 
It didn't matter what I tried, I could join all the societies and clubs, run toddler groups as I entered motherhood, join the PTA and more. I would be known as the YES and the IDEAS lady. Want something done, ask Louise, she will probably have the energy to do this. Want some good ideas about how to fix a problem? Louise will probably have 100 ideas and again, being the YES lady, she will probably offer to run every one of them herself too.
 
And in my bid for acceptance, I did it ALL....  This ended up being more detrimental to my mental health than I realised, and a link that I failed to spot myself.
 
Everything I signed up to was attacked with every ounce of energy I had, to the point once a project was finished I suffered serious burnout. I was so keen to please and be accepted and people to say, WOW; that's the sort of person we want as a friend, not just as a dogs body... that I just kept going.
 
My husband would step in and try to warn me, seeing negative patterns in my behaviour, but unfortunately for him, I was in denial there was anything else going on. I just liked to be busy and wanted people to need me and the excitement of running all these projects I found addictive.
 
Two years ago I started to see some behaviour in my youngest daughter that I recognised. She was struggling to find her place within school, the kids were wary of her overly creative storytelling and enthusiasm, the teacher was calling me to complain she was distracted in class and was concerned it was due to her being mentally incapable of doing the work (just to clarify here, she was being expected to sit and trace and colour in alphabet letters for ten minutes, something she had been doing since the age of two and that she was bored to death with doing...). 
 
Not only did I feel upset for her, but it took me back to my own childhood. I could see the whole thing playing out again. Parents weren't encouraging of their children being friends with a kid that may encourage their own kids to become distracted and a little on the weird side.
 
I knew there was something more to it, and luckily, worldwide, there is now a better acceptance and understanding of kids who maybe were struggling in school due to being different. I pushed for an assessment. If anything I didn't want my daughter to go through the same unnecessary challenges as I went through if there were answers available.
 
As we sat with the doctor, they noted the pattern I was expressing through my own journey and my daughters and asked me if I had ever thought about getting an assessment. It had never occurred to me that it would still be relevant, I was 34 and had managed so far without an assessment... Yes, I was still doing all the things above, still heavily distracted, disorganised, prone to burnout and depression, but I hadn't even considered my own mental health was worth looking into...
 
A few months later I was being told I displayed very strong signs of having adult ADHD and a very mild form of bipolar. I was in shock at first... would I now be expected to go on drugs to help me manage myself? I was a bit freaked out to be honest. I had lived my whole life without medication and I wasn't planning on my own daughter (who also got diagnosed with ADHD) taking medication for something that I hoped we could try and work through.
 
What I have I done to try and help myself? The same things I would suggest to anyone, no matter what mental health issues they are battling.
 
* Learn who you are
 
Taking the time to understand yourself is VERY important. No matter if you have bouts of depression, suffer from loneliness, anxiety, or maybe something more pronounce: take time for YOU to understand why and if there are any underlying reasons.
 
* Accept yourself
 
YES!!! Sometimes I am a bit mental or different and that's ok!
 
* Believe it
 
Yes, I am repeating the comment above but as I shared in my own journey, I thought I did accept myself.  Even though I had this basic acceptance of myself I still found myself falling over at the same hurdles time and time again. 

​
*A diagnosis is ok
 
There's still so much stigma attached to going to the doctors and asking for help. We are all human, but some people would be more likely to go to the doctors for minor aches and pains than they would for something as important as mental health and well being. It's not irrelevant or less worthy than physical well being!
 
*Own it
 
The more people who can stand up and say they are living with or have gone through a journey with their own mental health, the more it helps others come forward and talk about their experiences and maybe, seek help. The less we hide away from mental health issues and discard its importance of being accepted worldwide as an OK subject to talk about freely, the more we normalise it and can help people find the confidence to continue the discussion. By owning a bigger understanding of yourself, you give yourself the chance to set more realistic limits, goals and boundaries for yourself.
 
*Mindfulness
 
I HATE this word, but what I would say instead is take time for you. Not to go shopping or do errands you normally do all day, but do things to let your head calm down. 

Read a book. Sit in the sunshine with your eyes closed, feeling the sun on your skin and listening to the world around you. Watch a thunderstorm. Be aware of others around you, open your eyes. 

Everyone has their own story, their own journey, be mindful of that. You may feel alone but you are surrounded by many who are also going through their own journeys too.
 
*Never use it as an excuse
 
If your mental well being has affected others, be aware of that and make it right. Your behaviour could have a knock on effect to others, and as I've said above, you can't understand anyone else's journey fully, but you are responsible for your own. Mental Health is never an excuse to be cruel or mean to someone. You of all people know the power of an encouraging word or a hug, a smile and know how an angry face when you are feeling down can be the thing that causes you to break, and feel worse. BE 'MINDFUL' OF THAT.
 
Through an acceptance of myself I am hoping that I have found myself a happier place. I have connected online with other adults with ADHD to see how they have managed their own journeys. Being self-aware has given me the tools to take little steps in finding a better life balance for myself.
 
If I volunteer to do something, I do it not for the praise of others or the need of their adoration, friendship or the desire of feeling wanted. I do it because I want to and because I want to feel my own self-worth. I'm also very aware that being busy all the time isn't THE answer.

I am sure life will still find a way to present me new challenges, new adventures. But for now, I'm happy to know, that I quite like me, especially now I know who I am.

​Life is a journey and most journeys include ups and downs, right paths, wrong paths, moments of feeling lost or moments of absolute joy. Not all of us walk the same path, some of us are lucky enough to have our paths cross each other, to share a moment in that journey together. 

Above all, this is YOUR journey and YOU are responsible for the direction you take it, so if you can, try and make sure to enjoy the little things and appreciate where you have been and all you have achieved. 

Louise Gooding
Find me on Twitter @OnceUponALouise

---

Thanks chick, great stuff! I can certainly relate to "busy = happy" ... An attitude I learned to fight against a few years back. A good reminder.

Find out more about Mental Health Awareness Week here, and be well!

Lou x
​
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This self-indulgent post came about from a chat with a friend of mine. She hasn't had kids, and this is my first - it dawned on us how little we knew and what odd expectations we had/have of what being pregnant was going to feel like.

Before getting pregnant, I imagined I would be a puker. I imagined significant weight gain, and, yay, the freedom to eat what I want (the causing factor the weight gain, but hey, I'm pregnant!). I did not expect to be so tired I fell asleep at my desk at work. I didn't puke til I got a stomach bug (twice), and actually am losing weight due to the limited diet of Gestation Diabetes kicking in. There has to be some up-sides, even if it means I would kill for a bowl of granola right now!!

I appreciate every woman's journey is different - my mother-in-law swears she had ZERO symptoms bar a growing belly - but here I am, just for fun and because I'm a little bored, in cartoon form, 31 weeks in. Two months to go!

EDIT: 2 WEEKS LATER... Now I can add fainting spells, heartburn, pelvic girdle pain (bum cheeks, hips, 'undercarriage' - mainly at night), bleeding gums and constipation to the list!

You can see, it's been a fairly un-enjoyable ride so far! And I'm not even a 'complicated' pregnancy.

Some symptoms really don't bother me (e.g. the caffeine deprivation headache - it only lasted 3-4 days), and some are some bonuses (e.g. good hair), but most of pregnancy is just plain hard work. There's been two occasions (admittedly before anyone realised I had Gestational Diabetes and that something was up) when I've slept night-day-night. And yeah, 'belly growth' is an obvious side-effect, but I hadn't realised how soon I'd need maternity jeans and how tight my belly would feel - constantly. It's a big job, growing a human!

What's surprised me in a positive way is that I'm totally not freaked out by having a little being inside me. Pregnant bellies used to make me feel a bit grossed out, and I thought I'd be horrified seeing my belly move when little one does her acrobatics, but actually it's pretty amusing. And the size of my bump is 'tidy', I've been told; I'm kinda proud of it, really. As hard work as it's all been so far, my daughter is doing amazing, even if I feel a bit rough most days.

I've also felt a lot less emotional that I imagined. Hormones are a 'Bee with an Itch', causing everything from acne to diabetes, and I've been pretty consumed with PMS in the past, so I was preparing for the worst... with no need. Sure, I've had a handful of days when I've cried for no reason, but luckily it's not been in public! I've generally felt a lot more chilled, probably mostly due to the fact I'm tired/sleeping (i.e. silent) more. El Husbandio has got off lightly there, I think!

It's not good to compare, but whenever I feel a bit miserable about not sleeping due to hip pain, or I'm dying for a massive piece of chocolate tiffin, I remember my friend's mum's story. She was confined to a hospital bed for both her children's gestational period. I can still work, meet with friends, and I'm well looked after at home with a husband who likes to cook and is ever-so-slightly obsessed with cleaning and DIY. We're truly nesting!

It's totally got to a 'means to an end' situation in my world, and I can't wait for Baby to arrive.

Lou x

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Now there's a question. I didn't really expect an answer when I tweeted this message this morning, but my random 'had to share' musing made me think (more). Why do bad things happen to good people?

Recently, some friends of mine have been 'going through the mill'. From medical and financial complications, to spirit-crushing things at work and problems at home, things seems to be an uphill struggle. They're good people though, so how is this fair that their life is not sunny? Why can't they be given a break, or at least be given reasons for why such things happen?

I guess the question I tweeted is an age old question as no one really knows why things like that happen. Sure, sometimes it's bad decision making or a brief lack of judgement, but I see so many cases where there's nothing they did wrong. Some would say "life just sucks sometimes" but that's a bit simple and defeatist to me. Here's my opinion on why bad stuff happens to good people.

1. People who feel pain more intensely  may be those who care and love more. More openly, stronger, without judgement. That's a nice way of thinking about it, and it may be true. Totally stole this from the last episode of Fleabag on the BBC, by the way. Find it on the iplayer for a few weeks, well worth a binge.

2. Perhaps people who are nice, unselfish and caring expect the same from other people. I personally don't think this is unreasonable, but maybe it makes good eggs more vulnerable or naïve... Cue the bite in the ass shock you get when it's not a mutual thing. I know I've been there. I've expected the same courtesies back from people sometimes and received the opposite, and probably most of us can relate to this.

3. It doesn't apply most of the crap that's happening to my friends at the moment, and it's a bit of a weak argument, but sometimes good people can be busy people. Maybe having minor undesirable stuff happen to them could be a side-effect of distraction, stress, or just a lack of time to do things properly or on time?

4. Some good people may know they're good people and unintentionally offend or make mistakes as they know they didn't mean to cock-up. If you didn't mean to cause waves or create a negative situation, surely everyone understands that you meant well?! Well, no. They won't. Everyone is different. Good people are not perfect, give yourself a break, make amends if needs be, and know you meant no harm. And if people don't 'get' you, that's their problem, not yours.

It just occurred to me that bad things happen to bad people too. It's universal. Bad people may just absorb them better, be less inclined to share the news, or maybe we non-baddies think "well deserved" and move on, forgetting... Good things happen all the time though, so look out for the light and the moments of joy.

Yes, life does suck sometimes, and often you'll find you've seemed to have done nothing to deserve it. But good people should be rewarded, in my book, with less sh*t to deal with. Sometimes it's relentless and, if you're reading this, God, this tactic needs improvement! 

Just keep swimming, folks, and be kind to one another. After all, kindness and unselfish actions are often just the absence of 'unkindness' and selfishness. And if you are kind to others, that could be their 'good thing' that happens to that good person that day. Pay it forward!

Have a great week,

Lou x

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A couple of weeks ago my friend Paul posted an emotions checklist on his wellbeing blog, demonstrating there is potentially/often a lot going on underneath than just being 'alright', his default answer when someone enquires how he is.

His article really struck a chord with me, so I printed off the list of emotions he referred to.

The day in question was a normal kinda day; nothing amazingly impressive, exciting, good or bad happened, just a day in the life. 

​Before I went to bed that night, I grabbed a pen and checked off the emotions on that list I could remember I'd felt during the day. 

And I was surprised. Even with my now fairly self-aware state (compared to a year or two ago), I was experiencing emotions I had never thought were in my collection, much less would I have been able to articulate that was actually what I was feeling, if asked. Just wish I'd done this when I was a teenager - would have helped with the cacophony of stress I experienced then, I think. 

I can remember the feeling of others on the list which didn't feature that day, and it's funny the response my body gives when considering them. Some of them I feel in my head, occasionally behind my eyes (like a tiredness), most manifest in my chest. That goes for the good and the bad. 

​It was also sort of nice to think, hey, there's one or two on there that I don't recall having felt before. Spiteful, I am pleased to say, is one of them. However, there are a few on there I would happily never feel again: Powerless, bitter, guilty, rejected....

Emotions are a complex thing. Small things, big things or nothing things can kick them off. I have a theory that waking up in a bad mood could be because you've had a stressful or sad dream. Often you have no control, like many things in life, over when they pop up or how you feel at certain times, but you can attempt to control the way you react to things when they happen. 

​  - Look for the blue sky - no unnecessary complaining, wear that smile!

  - Self-care (physically, mentally, emotionally - all) should be high on your priority list. Look after no.1.

  - Give yourself a break. 

​  - Remember all emotions are a natural response - just because you feel a little more inclined to one than another, it doesn't mean it's a bad thing. It only becomes negative when it dominates. 

  - Keep breathing. 

​Enjoy your weekend and enjoy some emotion-spotting - one kind of labelling I think is actually good for you. 

Lou x
​

My Baking Addiction: by Jamie, who self-certifies herself as someone who bakes too much. I love it!

The Environment Agency has a great blog, for scientifically minded people and those who are not so - always hot on subjects affecting the UK's environment and beyond.

A new find: A Cranky Flier. Brett, the blogger, writes regular posts sharing his three favourite links to travel news on the web - among other great content.

A dear friend and past colleague of mine writes a fab mental health blog. Take a look at WYSE THOUGHTS, and say hi to Paul.

Gray (with an 'a') Matter has some great stories, always something interesting to read and learn here. A recent favourite of mine was the post on beautiful metro stations you can find across the planet.

Huffington Post has a Good News blog - brings warm feelings from around the world.

Let me know if I've missed your favourite!

Lou x

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So, El Husbandio and I became dog owners in February. We'd been thinking about getting one for a while, and saw what seemed to be the perfect dog advertised on Gumtree. We collected her from a family in Swindon who'd (stupidly) bought her for Christmas and couldn't cope with a puppy's energy and costs after a month, so she's kind of a rescue - and we got so lucky!

Chumi (short for "Chumiko", which means "black conker" in Spanish) is a Collie, with a hint of Whippet hips and legs about her. She's now five months old and just gorgeous. She's slept through the night (I sound like a mother!) from the start, she could already sit and would poop outdoors, she's so friendly with other dogs and people, learning more every day.

I'm not going to just brag about our wonderful pup, here, though. There's a real, useful reason for this blog today. As it's Mental Health Awareness Week, I want to share how having a dog has improved my mental well-being. You may scoff, and people have scoffed, at the idea of how the presence of a dog has helped, but I'm a convert to the idea. It works.

I was a non-believer. I thought the benefits of a dog were limited to having company at home and perhaps more walking to boost your physical health. However, since Chumi came into our lives, I've discovered so much about how having a dog in the house can be beneficial to more than just your exercise regime.

Some of you may be aware that I've struggled with my mental health over the last two to three years. It's a long story, but the up-shot is that I'm definitely on the mend and slowly returning to my old self. Being able to realise that is an important and significant step.

I've tried several things to help me through anxiety, depression and a general emotional confusion: three forms of medication (one made sick, one I was petrified of, and the one I settled with, I'm starting to wean off - yay!), 121 counselling, CBT group classes, more exercise, reading up on mental health blogs, talking openly with friends and family, quitting booze, and trying to re-discover what made me more content and 'me' in the past.

Now, I know what you think I'm going to say. The dog was the key to it all. That's not true. I believe a mixture of all the things above helped me to re-stabilise and begin to function in a way that is normal for me again. However, I have a feeling that having a dog in my life has given more the final push to returning to good mental health.

The answer to solving the conundrum and debilitation of depression is not 'one size fits all', but I sure think a dog should be prescribed on the NHS! *tongue in cheek*

So how has becoming a dog owner assisted me on my recovery?

1. The obvious one is I'm getting more exercise. Exercise is a key part to recovery from mental illness. Chumi has a walk first thing from El Husbandio, then a longer walk when I'm back from work. We're out for a minimum of 40 mins at a time, and I often forget the time, enjoying the time out so much. I've been trying to lose a little weigh since November, and it's no coincidence that I'm my lightest (and have been for seven weeks now!) now we have a dog.
2. Linked to this, is the additional fresh air I'm getting on these walks. Always a good thing!
3. I've also realised, since walking Chumi, that dogs live in the moment; they're masters of Mindfulness, without even knowing it! Our walks together have helped me 'switch off' and she's helped me, in a weird way, to become more mindful and relaxed as a result.
4. Dogs lighten the mood. El Husbandio and I haven't had the easiest start to marriage, and Chumi allows us to make light-hearted or grumpy comments about situations to someone who won't challenge your gripes.
5. Chumi is a great distraction - for good and for bad! She needs attention, feeding, walking, and all the rest of it, which adds another element of routine and a distraction from things which might worry our little brains too much.
6. There's less pressure in the household. Bless him, El Husbandio is a neat freak, who can't relax if the dishes haven't been done. However, playing with the dog has seemingly become more important than household chores. Not in a bad way, we're far from living in squalor, but we're a little more relaxed about when things get done now. Yay!
7. I'm feeling the love - Chumi gives us unconditional love. She isn't a captive, she loves being with us and shows us every day by playing, 'dog smiling' and licking kisses all over our hands and faces. Naturally, she's a pack animal, and she loves being part of our small 'pack'. It's not just that we're the ones who feed her - other people give her treats, but it's us she comes home too, even when she escapes the harness! She's not a human substitute, however much I love her, but she's a great companion.
   
8. I'm also sharing the love. As in Gary Demonte Chapman's 'Five Languages Of Love', one of the main ways I like to show love is by giving gifts. I'm always baking for friends and family, often sending fun post to those I love, and grabbing a little gift I come across for El Husbandio when I know he'd love it. Sharing the love with Chumi is easy and so gratifying. She takes about three minutes to suss out a new toy and then plays with it to death. She's happy, grateful, curious, and a pleasure to watch.
9. My social circles have widened, almost with immediate effect upon starting to walk Chumi in our local area. I have, I guess, one new friend I now walk with regularly, and new acquaintances I bump into (mostly known by the name of their dog, admittedly!), and it's so nice to be able to have those community links. We're thinking of taking Chumi to fly-ball classes, which again, will widen both her and our social circles.
   

Take a look at this website for more on how dogs can help with mental therapy. For a more hefty read, try this recent study on pet owners and increased levels of self-esteem. You may be surprised - I was sceptical, never having had a dog before, but I can't believe the difference Chumi has made to my mental health well-being. Just the fact I can reflect and notice the difference shows how far I've come in this short time.

As the author Julie Myerson puts it

"Most of all, when your confidence is at its lowest, when you feel battered – by life, death and (especially) other humans – a dog will shove her nose in your hand and tell you, with conviction and feeling, what a really good person you are."

And in such grim times as these, a little sunshine in a simple way is something we could all benefit from.

If you think you could benefit from a dog's company but can't commit, why not take a look at Borrow My Doggy? You can meet up with local owners who need extra walking for their pooch and get the benefits of having a dog without the long term commitments. Let me know how you get on!

Lou x

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