This self-indulgent post came about from a chat with a friend of mine. She hasn't had kids, and this is my first - it dawned on us how little we knew and what odd expectations we had/have of what being pregnant was going to feel like.

Before getting pregnant, I imagined I would be a puker. I imagined significant weight gain, and, yay, the freedom to eat what I want (the causing factor the weight gain, but hey, I'm pregnant!). I did not expect to be so tired I fell asleep at my desk at work. I didn't puke til I got a stomach bug (twice), and actually am losing weight due to the limited diet of Gestation Diabetes kicking in. There has to be some up-sides, even if it means I would kill for a bowl of granola right now!!

I appreciate every woman's journey is different - my mother-in-law swears she had ZERO symptoms bar a growing belly - but here I am, just for fun and because I'm a little bored, in cartoon form, 31 weeks in. Two months to go!

You can see, it's been a fairly un-enjoyable ride so far! And I'm not even a 'complicated' pregnancy.

Some symptoms really don't bother me (e.g. the caffeine deprivation headache - it only lasted 3-4 days), and some are some bonuses (e.g. good hair), but most of pregnancy is just plain hard work. There's been two occasions (admittedly before anyone realised I had Gestational Diabetes and that something was up) when I've slept night-day-night. And yeah, 'belly growth' is an obvious side-effect, but I hadn't realised how soon I'd need maternity jeans and how tight my belly would feel - constantly. It's a big job, growing a human!

What's surprised me in a positive way is that I'm totally not freaked out by having a little being inside me. Pregnant bellies used to make me feel a bit grossed out, and I thought I'd be horrified seeing my belly move when little one does her acrobatics, but actually it's pretty amusing. And the size of my bump is 'tidy', I've been told; I'm kinda proud of it, really. As hard work as it's all been so far, my daughter is doing amazing, even if I feel a bit rough most days.

I've also felt a lot less emotional that I imagined. Hormones are a 'Bee with an Itch', causing everything from acne to diabetes, and I've been pretty consumed with PMS in the past, so I was preparing for the worst... with no need. Sure, I've had a handful of days when I've cried for no reason, but luckily it's not been in public! I've generally felt a lot more chilled, probably mostly due to the fact I'm tired/sleeping (i.e. silent) more. El Husbandio has got off lightly there, I think!

It's not good to compare, but whenever I feel a bit miserable about not sleeping due to hip pain, or I'm dying for a massive piece of chocolate tiffin, I remember my friend's mum's story. She was confined to a hospital bed for both her children's gestational period. I can still work, meet with friends, and I'm well looked after at home with a husband who likes to cook and is ever-so-slightly obsessed with cleaning and DIY. We're truly nesting!

It's totally got to a 'means to an end' situation in my world, and I can't wait for Baby to arrive.

Lou x

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Now there's a question. I didn't really expect an answer when I tweeted this message this morning, but my random 'had to share' musing made me think (more). Why do bad things happen to good people?

Recently, some friends of mine have been 'going through the mill'. From medical and financial complications, to spirit-crushing things at work and problems at home, things seems to be an uphill struggle. They're good people though, so how is this fair that their life is not sunny? Why can't they be given a break, or at least be given reasons for why such things happen?

I guess the question I tweeted is an age old question as no one really knows why things like that happen. Sure, sometimes it's bad decision making or a brief lack of judgement, but I see so many cases where there's nothing they did wrong. Some would say "life just sucks sometimes" but that's a bit simple and defeatist to me. Here's my opinion on why bad stuff happens to good people.

1. People who feel pain more intensely  may be those who care and love more. More openly, stronger, without judgement. That's a nice way of thinking about it, and it may be true. Totally stole this from the last episode of Fleabag on the BBC, by the way. Find it on the iplayer for a few weeks, well worth a binge.

2. Perhaps people who are nice, unselfish and caring expect the same from other people. I personally don't think this is unreasonable, but maybe it makes good eggs more vulnerable or naïve... Cue the bite in the ass shock you get when it's not a mutual thing. I know I've been there. I've expected the same courtesies back from people sometimes and received the opposite, and probably most of us can relate to this.

3. It doesn't apply most of the crap that's happening to my friends at the moment, and it's a bit of a weak argument, but sometimes good people can be busy people. Maybe having minor undesirable stuff happen to them could be a side-effect of distraction, stress, or just a lack of time to do things properly or on time?

4. Some good people may know they're good people and unintentionally offend or make mistakes as they know they didn't mean to cock-up. If you didn't mean to cause waves or create a negative situation, surely everyone understands that you meant well?! Well, no. They won't. Everyone is different. Good people are not perfect, give yourself a break, make amends if needs be, and know you meant no harm. And if people don't 'get' you, that's their problem, not yours.

It just occurred to me that bad things happen to bad people too. It's universal. Bad people may just absorb them better, be less inclined to share the news, or maybe we non-baddies think "well deserved" and move on, forgetting... Good things happen all the time though, so look out for the light and the moments of joy.

Yes, life does suck sometimes, and often you'll find you've seemed to have done nothing to deserve it. But good people should be rewarded, in my book, with less sh*t to deal with. Sometimes it's relentless and, if you're reading this, God, this tactic needs improvement! 

Just keep swimming, folks, and be kind to one another. After all, kindness and unselfish actions are often just the absence of 'unkindness' and selfishness. And if you are kind to others, that could be their 'good thing' that happens to that good person that day. Pay it forward!

Have a great week,

Lou x

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A couple of weeks ago my friend Paul posted an emotions checklist on his wellbeing blog, demonstrating there is potentially/often a lot going on underneath than just being 'alright', his default answer when someone enquires how he is.

His article really struck a chord with me, so I printed off the list of emotions he referred to.

The day in question was a normal kinda day; nothing amazingly impressive, exciting, good or bad happened, just a day in the life. 

​Before I went to bed that night, I grabbed a pen and checked off the emotions on that list I could remember I'd felt during the day. 

And I was surprised. Even with my now fairly self-aware state (compared to a year or two ago), I was experiencing emotions I had never thought were in my collection, much less would I have been able to articulate that was actually what I was feeling, if asked. Just wish I'd done this when I was a teenager - would have helped with the cacophony of stress I experienced then, I think. 

I can remember the feeling of others on the list which didn't feature that day, and it's funny the response my body gives when considering them. Some of them I feel in my head, occasionally behind my eyes (like a tiredness), most manifest in my chest. That goes for the good and the bad. 

​It was also sort of nice to think, hey, there's one or two on there that I don't recall having felt before. Spiteful, I am pleased to say, is one of them. However, there are a few on there I would happily never feel again: Powerless, bitter, guilty, rejected....

Emotions are a complex thing. Small things, big things or nothing things can kick them off. I have a theory that waking up in a bad mood could be because you've had a stressful or sad dream. Often you have no control, like many things in life, over when they pop up or how you feel at certain times, but you can attempt to control the way you react to things when they happen. 

​  - Look for the blue sky - no unnecessary complaining, wear that smile!

  - Self-care (physically, mentally, emotionally - all) should be high on your priority list. Look after no.1.

  - Give yourself a break. 

​  - Remember all emotions are a natural response - just because you feel a little more inclined to one than another, it doesn't mean it's a bad thing. It only becomes negative when it dominates. 

  - Keep breathing. 

​Enjoy your weekend and enjoy some emotion-spotting - one kind of labelling I think is actually good for you. 

Lou x
​

My Baking Addiction: by Jamie, who self-certifies herself as someone who bakes too much. I love it!

The Environment Agency has a great blog, for scientifically minded people and those who are not so - always hot on subjects affecting the UK's environment and beyond.

A new find: A Cranky Flier. Brett, the blogger, writes regular posts sharing his three favourite links to travel news on the web - among other great content.

A dear friend and past colleague of mine writes a fab mental health blog. Take a look at WYSE THOUGHTS, and say hi to Paul.

Gray (with an 'a') Matter has some great stories, always something interesting to read and learn here. A recent favourite of mine was the post on beautiful metro stations you can find across the planet.

Huffington Post has a Good News blog - brings warm feelings from around the world.

Let me know if I've missed your favourite!

Lou x

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So, El Husbandio and I became dog owners in February. We'd been thinking about getting one for a while, and saw what seemed to be the perfect dog advertised on Gumtree. We collected her from a family in Swindon who'd (stupidly) bought her for Christmas and couldn't cope with a puppy's energy and costs after a month, so she's kind of a rescue - and we got so lucky!

Chumi (short for "Chumiko", which means "black conker" in Spanish) is a Collie, with a hint of Whippet hips and legs about her. She's now five months old and just gorgeous. She's slept through the night (I sound like a mother!) from the start, she could already sit and would poop outdoors, she's so friendly with other dogs and people, learning more every day.

I'm not going to just brag about our wonderful pup, here, though. There's a real, useful reason for this blog today. As it's Mental Health Awareness Week, I want to share how having a dog has improved my mental well-being. You may scoff, and people have scoffed, at the idea of how the presence of a dog has helped, but I'm a convert to the idea. It works.

I was a non-believer. I thought the benefits of a dog were limited to having company at home and perhaps more walking to boost your physical health. However, since Chumi came into our lives, I've discovered so much about how having a dog in the house can be beneficial to more than just your exercise regime.

Some of you may be aware that I've struggled with my mental health over the last two to three years. It's a long story, but the up-shot is that I'm definitely on the mend and slowly returning to my old self. Being able to realise that is an important and significant step.

I've tried several things to help me through anxiety, depression and a general emotional confusion: three forms of medication (one made sick, one I was petrified of, and the one I settled with, I'm starting to wean off - yay!), 121 counselling, CBT group classes, more exercise, reading up on mental health blogs, talking openly with friends and family, quitting booze, and trying to re-discover what made me more content and 'me' in the past.

Now, I know what you think I'm going to say. The dog was the key to it all. That's not true. I believe a mixture of all the things above helped me to re-stabilise and begin to function in a way that is normal for me again. However, I have a feeling that having a dog in my life has given more the final push to returning to good mental health.

The answer to solving the conundrum and debilitation of depression is not 'one size fits all', but I sure think a dog should be prescribed on the NHS! *tongue in cheek*

So how has becoming a dog owner assisted me on my recovery?

1. The obvious one is I'm getting more exercise. Exercise is a key part to recovery from mental illness. Chumi has a walk first thing from El Husbandio, then a longer walk when I'm back from work. We're out for a minimum of 40 mins at a time, and I often forget the time, enjoying the time out so much. I've been trying to lose a little weigh since November, and it's no coincidence that I'm my lightest (and have been for seven weeks now!) now we have a dog.
2. Linked to this, is the additional fresh air I'm getting on these walks. Always a good thing!
3. I've also realised, since walking Chumi, that dogs live in the moment; they're masters of Mindfulness, without even knowing it! Our walks together have helped me 'switch off' and she's helped me, in a weird way, to become more mindful and relaxed as a result.
4. Dogs lighten the mood. El Husbandio and I haven't had the easiest start to marriage, and Chumi allows us to make light-hearted or grumpy comments about situations to someone who won't challenge your gripes.
5. Chumi is a great distraction - for good and for bad! She needs attention, feeding, walking, and all the rest of it, which adds another element of routine and a distraction from things which might worry our little brains too much.
6. There's less pressure in the household. Bless him, El Husbandio is a neat freak, who can't relax if the dishes haven't been done. However, playing with the dog has seemingly become more important than household chores. Not in a bad way, we're far from living in squalor, but we're a little more relaxed about when things get done now. Yay!
7. I'm feeling the love - Chumi gives us unconditional love. She isn't a captive, she loves being with us and shows us every day by playing, 'dog smiling' and licking kisses all over our hands and faces. Naturally, she's a pack animal, and she loves being part of our small 'pack'. It's not just that we're the ones who feed her - other people give her treats, but it's us she comes home too, even when she escapes the harness! She's not a human substitute, however much I love her, but she's a great companion.
   
8. I'm also sharing the love. As in Gary Demonte Chapman's 'Five Languages Of Love', one of the main ways I like to show love is by giving gifts. I'm always baking for friends and family, often sending fun post to those I love, and grabbing a little gift I come across for El Husbandio when I know he'd love it. Sharing the love with Chumi is easy and so gratifying. She takes about three minutes to suss out a new toy and then plays with it to death. She's happy, grateful, curious, and a pleasure to watch.
9. My social circles have widened, almost with immediate effect upon starting to walk Chumi in our local area. I have, I guess, one new friend I now walk with regularly, and new acquaintances I bump into (mostly known by the name of their dog, admittedly!), and it's so nice to be able to have those community links. We're thinking of taking Chumi to fly-ball classes, which again, will widen both her and our social circles.
   

Take a look at this website for more on how dogs can help with mental therapy. For a more hefty read, try this recent study on pet owners and increased levels of self-esteem. You may be surprised - I was sceptical, never having had a dog before, but I can't believe the difference Chumi has made to my mental health well-being. Just the fact I can reflect and notice the difference shows how far I've come in this short time.

As the author Julie Myerson puts it

"Most of all, when your confidence is at its lowest, when you feel battered – by life, death and (especially) other humans – a dog will shove her nose in your hand and tell you, with conviction and feeling, what a really good person you are."

And in such grim times as these, a little sunshine in a simple way is something we could all benefit from.

If you think you could benefit from a dog's company but can't commit, why not take a look at Borrow My Doggy? You can meet up with local owners who need extra walking for their pooch and get the benefits of having a dog without the long term commitments. Let me know how you get on!

Lou x

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This is a poem I wrote a while back, some therapeutic reflecting - always helps! Does anyone else write through boredom or through difficult times? (Of course, I write this in my own time!)
​

---------

​Time is going backwards
It’s the time of day
I ponder what’s for dinner
And wonder what to say.
 
“How’s your day been, baby?”
The question that I dread.
It’s nice to be asked, very polite
But a grumpy answer’s in my head.
 
I hate that I’m bored stupid
And I’m one for feeling guilty
When I’m not working for my cash
And filling time with tea.
 
It makes it hard to leave the house
Always something to do there
I could be cleaning, baking, reading, cooking,
Do anything I care.
 
Staring at bogus spreadsheets
And looking forward to lunch
Trying to look occupied
Colleagues a busy bunch.
 
I feel like I’m praying
For an email to pop in
Something to action, something to do
And my day could begin.
 
My talents are skills are wasted
In this dead end role
But where do I want to move to?
How do I leave this hole?
 
Keep looking, keep seeking
A better job’s out there.
And when one day I’m happier
I’ll have an answer to share.

​------------
​

If you like what you're reading, why not check out some more of my writing here on Miss Write?

See you again soon!

Lou x

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Getting married. An untimely death of a childhood friend. Family. Two solicitor hirings. My first house. A few things which have made me grow up a little in the last year. I had a pretty stable upbringing, a lucky child of loving, successful parents, but despite that, half a lifetime ago I was in a bit of a state. Feeling the pressure of exams and insignificant teenage life, I still have few regrets, but if I'd known a few things about life and the future, I would have had a smoother introduction into adult life.  

​Aside from the lottery results, here's 15 things I wish I could tell my 15 year old self. 

I made it - it's only the third time I've cycled to work from the new house, and I think (hope!) it's getting easier. That 25 minute uphill ride is challenging, I'll say that!_

Still, I wanted to use this opportunity to signpost you, lovely readers to my travel blog, Born to be a Tourist. I have a category on that blog roll on cycling, which, if you're reading this post, you may enjoy. It's loosely linked to travel as I've been around a lot on it (Wales, Gloucester - more to come!), but it's full of fun stuff. Take a look!

So... did you cycle to work today?

Lou x

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Last night I had The Chop For Charity. I cut off my hair to donate it to the charity Little Princess Trust. They make real hair wigs for kids in the UK and Ireland who have lost their hair due to illness - an incredibly worthwhile cause. 

I'd been growing my hair (with two 'tidy-ups' for wedding and post braids) since January 2012, more or less. The original idea was to grow a 'Princess Jasmin' style braid - you know, the princess from Aladdin?! Yep, I'm that sad... But she's definitely the best Disney princess! 

However, not only am I not an Arabian beauty, I am also made of flesh and blood; I'm no cartoon. My hair is nowhere near thick enough to have those luscious locks. So I investigated donating my lengths of locks. 

After Googling a bit, I found several charities who ask for hair donations. I wanted one I could trust, and one which needed what I had, plus possibly another month or two. I was getting sick of washing, drying and product bottle draining!

Little Princess Trust was the charity that singer Jessie J chose when she shaved off her hair in 2013, so I decided, if it's good enough for her, it's good enough for me. Also, they were only asking for 7 inches - most others want 15. I easily had that!

So, last night, I went for the chop. I was extremely excited, thinking about the kids I might be able to help and the drastic change to my hair do. I ended up with 11.5 inches snipped off - could have gone for more but I wanted to have something to tie back still for work. And clean eating. All I had to do was have it plaited, tied at both ends, and bagged before it hit the floor. There's a UK address to post it to, and the charity does the rest. 

And... my hair? I love the result! I'm hearing it's a mix of Yael Stone (Orange Is The New Black), Dora The Esplorer (my personal favourite!) and Arya from Game of Thrones.... Lush! 

I think everyone should do this at least once in their lives - I'm going to do a repeat, for sure. 

Special thanks to Hannah, my lovely hairdresser, and to Hilary who inspired me from about 10 years ago. I got there eventually! 

Find out more about donating YOUR hair here - you don't have to go for a shaved head, just 7 inches of a plait is needed! 

My haircut journey was posted on Twitter, so come and have a look at the posts from around 5pm last night (13/7/15). 

Lou x

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