I'm going back to work this week after 13 months of maternity leave, and I am full of emotions. I've thoroughly enjoyed being a new mum and having so much time looking after Rox. Honestly, if we could afford it, I wouldn't be going back to work. Consequently it's been a bit of an emotional time lately, and I've felt pressured to 'enjoy the time' I have left with Rox, even through the limits of lockdown. 

Here's a few of the things which have been playing on my mind...

 - Will I remember  what I need to for my role? My brain is a bit mushy right now!
 - Will my new mum crowd drift away?
 - Will our childcare plan work out well? This involves El Husbandio having Rox two days in a row, he'll be learning fast!
 - Will I be as good as my team expect or remember me to be?
 - Is there anything I should do before I return to work to help Rox's development? To enjoy myself?
 - Why are me and El Husbandio at each other this week?
 - How will domestic duties be split now I won't be as available?
 - How will home working work when both of us are in the office?

So many things on my mind!

I had a bad day today with all this - and more - going round my brain. I realised I felt 

This is a bit of a lethal combination for me, the Big Three. These feelings do dominate when I'm having a rough time. Spotting I felt this way is a HUMUNGOUS achievement for me, given I had no emotional awareness a couple of years back. I've worked hard to recognise my emotions and to help let them be and pass, if they're not helpful. 

I didn't want to reflect any more. It was getting too much.

I took some deep breaths. . 
I spent some time in the garden alone. 
I reminded myself I'll still be a mum forever, it's not ending. 
I thought of the near future, how exciting it'll be when Rox is walking, talking...
I made a mental list of all the great things Rox and I are planning for the next year.
I reminded myself that I like my boss, my job, I'm going to go back to having a monthly income. 

And this helped enormously. I start work on Wednesday, and I don't feel terrible about it. Now I feel

  Proud
  Relaxed
  Sad

I'm immensely proud of what I've achieved this year, relaxed about going back to work (slowly does it, it'll feel normal before long), but still a little bit sad still I won't have my little shadow by my side all day. 

And that's ok. 

​Lou x

Accidental spill of my Diet Coke on the highchair tray turned into a fun wet play exploration activity... Video here >> https://youtu.be/EaY-874UO-8 For some silly reason I can't paste the video here. Restrictions of blogging via smartphone!

Cookie Dough Sensory - uncooked cookie dough is awesome, tasty and fun to play with. Video here >> https://youtu.be/VBadvJpy1VE

So I started my own list. She's not quite up to all of these but the more we practice, the more Rox seems to grasp the idea. Her arm motor skills are developing, but she's well on with talking and  responding to sound and visuals. Feel free to steal these ideas! 

1. Painting with mashed potato.
Safe if they (when they) eat the 'paint'. I dyed ours with beetroot, blue food dye and turmeric. Hello, first artwork!

2. "Where's the baby?" 
Stand in another room and call to your baby to see how she responds. I do this a lot when I'm going upstairs to collect her from a (rare!) nap. 

3. Press the doorbell and watch her catch on that doing so creates a sound. 

4. New toys - I'm not into masses of plastic or spending a fortune, so we've been experimenting with new things...

 - wooden spoon - a winner!
 - pots and pan lids
 - pebbles and sand (for a few months time)
 - double cream pots for stacking and playing 'hide the rattle'
 - paddling pool
 - a busy board (made by me, so proud!)

5. New songs - relive your childhood with some nursery rhymes! Dance in front of your baby to old.classics! Sing along with the radio in an opera voice!

6. "Chumi TV" - that's what we call 'watchibg the dog play'. Chumi is a lively collie and knows to run away when Rox goes for her ears...

7. Start the learning for using cutlery - plastic, of course. That'll keep you busy with the mess and the fun of a new thing baby can master. Be patient!

What new ideas have you had for your baby while you can't socialise? 

Lou x

Night all,

Lou x

Today I felt a bit of a fraud as I didn't have my baby  with me (she was napping) but we still had fun with new babies and old friends joining us from Bristol and beyond. Join us next time if you're a carer or parent stuck at home with a young one!

Monday, Wednesday, Friday @ 1.30pm
https://zoom.us/j/417600776

The app is free and easy to use. See you Monday! 

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I think today's 'make myself happy' thing was my dog walk this morning. I bumped into a friend and we walked over the fields bear us for over an hour, 2m from each other of course!
Helping someone: I'm about to drop some groceries to the doorstep of a friend with a very new baby.
Productivity wise, I've done a load of washing and made meatballs for lunch. Yum!

See you tomorrow!
Lou x

I highly recommend doing mashed potato painting for little ones. I dyed the potato with food dye (blue), turmeric (yellow) and beetroot juice (purple) so the colours were 100% edible... Because she did eat a lot of it!

Yes, it created  a lot of mess, but a long-sleeved apron for baby helped, and it was a lot of fun. 

​This definitely qualifies as my 'make someone happy' activity for today!

If you do this, don't use parcel tape to attach the paper to the highchair. It left some brown marks which were very hard to remove!

​Lou x

I know what that feels like. I came home from a month with the in-laws intending to make he most of my last three months off work with Rox. However, one week later, social isolation descended. And now we're on lockdown. 

No more mums groups.
No more local events, beach trips, general public baby entertainment to enrich her life.
No more coffees out with friends.
No more building social skills of baby.
No more day trips for a 'change of scenery'.

Maternity leave is hard work, but there's lots of opportunity to meet new people, have fun, spend month, explore your baby's likes, dislikes, mental development... Much less so now!

This is why we agreed to some extent that we felt a bit robbed. We're all at home, either alone with baby, or with a partner, and finding ways to cope. 

However, I'd argue now, after some reflection, it ain't so bad. 

1. If we're keyworkers we don't have to work and potentially be exposed to CoVid-19 risk areas, staying at home and protecting our families.

2. Free entertainment for baby and mum has changed, not disappeared.  On yesterday's blog, for example, I told you about the free trial of Now TV. Once or twice a week baby groups time can easily be filled with a film. It's not the same, granted, but it's not terrible. Screen time is new for Rox anyway, as we've been careful to only really use screens for calling grandparents over the last few months.

3. Think about the mums who are about to have a baby or have just started their leave.  They haven't had the time we had at the start of their new family life, as have no idea when this situation will end. And for sure, some grandparents have yet to meet their new grandchild!

4. For some babies, isolation and lockdown means more time with daddy, yay!

My group of mum friends mostly have babies the same age as Rox, so we're all really lucky to have had 10, 9, 8 months already caring for our babes, bonding with them, and helping our babies develop into walking, talking, sleeping and behaving (almost)t  

I intend to make the most of the rest of my leave, even if it's limited socially! 

Lou x

P.S. I made plum buns to be productive today, made a rainbow for my front window like the neighbours are doing to spread positivity to help someone out (hopefully), and I watched The Lion King to make me happy. 

And, a gratuitous gorgeous pic of my favourite person...

I made Rox a train out of an Amazon delivery box. And I'm pretty pleased with myself. Not only does it look fun and fabulous (complete with gold lettering and luxury ribbons), she liked it!

I think that was my helping someone, making myself happy, and getting my productivity checked off all in one!

What a great way to spend an afternoon alone. 

"See" you tomorrow!

Lou x

However, all is not lost and misery. She's home with my dad, the sun's shining,  and i saw her just over a week ago before isolation became a social thing. I am so grateful i have a mum, and have a whole new appreciation for her this year... because I'm a mum too now!

Thank you mum. Dad has your gift stashed away, make sure you get it!x

And it's myy first Mother's Day as well.... I didn't picture it like this! But hey, we're happy and healthy 😊

​Productive 'remaining-sane' things for today: I've made a roast dinner (not getting out for one, clearly!), put together a parcel for a friend, and tidied the house. I'll clean the car later!

'Make myself happy' things today: Breakfast with El Husbandio and baby, surprised by a gift and eggs on toast - he even remembered my tea, and should make it more often, was delicious!! I am also going on a dog walk with a friend, maintaining a safe social distance but getting chat, exercise and fresh air. Yay!

Enjoy your Sunday,
Lou x