Our dining room isn't even that cluttered really, but I hadn't seen this draft, this precious gem for months. I remember writing a few words in the last couple of days before I had a baby, but it was so uncomfortable to sit down for long I didn't manage much. And that was over 18 months ago. I think I've been hiding from my manuscript. 

Unfinished. Ignored. You can hardly call that a 'work in progress'! 

Sure, I'm busy, who isn't. Even in lockdown. I have a baby, a dog, hobbies like cycling, reading and travelling, a part time job, my baking business 280 Bakes, and a (Covid limited) social life. But I am a firm believer in if you want to get it done, you'll find the time. 

I am getting better at finding a few minutes for myself, as my baby has got a bit older. Around 7pm is prime 'me time' as El Husbandio often calls his parents and plays on video call with Rox. I mostly use this time to have a shower and potter about upstairs for around half an hour, maybe paint my toenails or unwind to a podcast... but I think I will try to make that time a time to write. A shower can wait until Rox is in bed.

What do you reckon, 500 words in 20-30 mins, that's do-able right?! The main bones are there on the page; I have a structure, a great into, a satisfying end, the bulk of the story... It's just the dreaded 'middle part' I need to flesh out. The book is called 'Scrabble Pieces' at the moment, but I am sure I can come up with a better title than that, even sat here today. One small step at a time. 

​Instead of blogging I should write my book!!!

Maybe this should be my new year's resolution for 2021. I'm not big into them normally, but sometimes you have to have something to drive you along! Who knows, this time next year I may have another book under my belt...

Lou x

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Born to be a Tourist

Really, returning to work post Maternity leave felt like a release from Lockdown. Of course, I am still socially distancing and respecting the 'number rules' for meeting people, but having a new focus of going back to work after 13 months of Mat Leave felt like a big change. It wasn't unwelcome, just because of the freedom it felt like, however much I wanted to stay being a full-time mum. I also enjoyed using my brain in a new way!

Also, Lockdown had moved on a bit since then. Gone was the three month total Lockdown where we were not supposed to leave the house apart form a daily walk and medical/food supply runs. Things definitely felt more normal. I only really have missed the cinema, and only a little. When I was pregnant I basically slept for nine months (!!) so we didn't go out at all really, and when baby arrived we had other things on our plate, obviously. I'd like to say I'm missing gigs and theatres, but experiencing that part of city culture was rare for me, however enjoyable they were before Lockdown.

I think how I'm feeling now, like many other people, is we are firmly in a 'new normal'. And this 'new normal' isn't temporary, like the 'normal' we were subjected to in the early summer. Thank goodness that didn't last an enormously long time (and that the weather was so great!), and let's hope national Lockdown doesn't happen again.

I appreciate many people are fearing job losses, suffering health issues, and worried for their children mixing at school, but for us, we're feeling lucky. This form of Lockdown isn't so bad. It's all relative, isn't it; comparing these days to days back in April, it's a totally different situation down here in Bristol. London and the north is struggling in particular, and comparing my situation to people who have family members with Covid or who need to shield isn't really fair, but we're doing ok. What has really helped is all the socially distanced dog walking with a friend or two, and having one of my closest mates support bubbling with us. She lives on her own, so it's totally legit, but honestly, I feel like the support is more for me!!!

What has been quite different in the last three months is my day job. I work part-time as a PA in a government department, and every day, in normal times, I'd take the Park & Ride into the city centre, working in an open plan office with over 1000 desks. Now I'm working from home indefinitely, which is totally different. There's a whole blog on that subject alone, but it's mainly a good thing, and I feel much safer than having to use public transport and mix with people I have no idea how well they are following the government safety guidelines. I am blessed to have a job I can work from home with, keeping a routine is so helpful. 

Two weeks ago I started a new role (same department). This was a strange process with a video interview and starting work on day one in my spare room. El Husbandio and I both work in the same room Tuesdays and Thursdays - I think that'll be the biggest challenge!! We're already kind of on top of each other day and night.

Of course, I'm saying "roll on that vaccine!" and I miss my friends and family - and the warm weather!!! - but honestly, I'd love to keep working from home. It's so easy to fit in walking the dog, receiving deliveries, managing nursery drop offs/collections, it's (mostly) quiet, I have my home comforts... I even managed a haircut on my lunchbreak back in August! I do miss the company of my team some days, but it's fast becoming the new normal that we catch up on video and have social check ins. And if my work situation stays this way for a while, I shan't be complaining. 

My lockdown buddies and I are staying safe. We're not being risky (nursery being the only wild card really) and we're hanging in there. 

​Stay safe yourselves! 

Lou x

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Born to be a Tourist

I'm going back to work this week after 13 months of maternity leave, and I am full of emotions. I've thoroughly enjoyed being a new mum and having so much time looking after Rox. Honestly, if we could afford it, I wouldn't be going back to work. Consequently it's been a bit of an emotional time lately, and I've felt pressured to 'enjoy the time' I have left with Rox, even through the limits of lockdown. 

Here's a few of the things which have been playing on my mind...

 - Will I remember  what I need to for my role? My brain is a bit mushy right now!
 - Will my new mum crowd drift away?
 - Will our childcare plan work out well? This involves El Husbandio having Rox two days in a row, he'll be learning fast!
 - Will I be as good as my team expect or remember me to be?
 - Is there anything I should do before I return to work to help Rox's development? To enjoy myself?
 - Why are me and El Husbandio at each other this week?
 - How will domestic duties be split now I won't be as available?
 - How will home working work when both of us are in the office?

So many things on my mind!

I had a bad day today with all this - and more - going round my brain. I realised I felt 

This is a bit of a lethal combination for me, the Big Three. These feelings do dominate when I'm having a rough time. Spotting I felt this way is a HUMUNGOUS achievement for me, given I had no emotional awareness a couple of years back. I've worked hard to recognise my emotions and to help let them be and pass, if they're not helpful. 

I didn't want to reflect any more. It was getting too much.

I took some deep breaths. . 
I spent some time in the garden alone. 
I reminded myself I'll still be a mum forever, it's not ending. 
I thought of the near future, how exciting it'll be when Rox is walking, talking...
I made a mental list of all the great things Rox and I are planning for the next year.
I reminded myself that I like my boss, my job, I'm going to go back to having a monthly income. 

And this helped enormously. I start work on Wednesday, and I don't feel terrible about it. Now I feel

  Proud
  Relaxed
  Sad

I'm immensely proud of what I've achieved this year, relaxed about going back to work (slowly does it, it'll feel normal before long), but still a little bit sad still I won't have my little shadow by my side all day. 

And that's ok. 

​Lou x

Accidental spill of my Diet Coke on the highchair tray turned into a fun wet play exploration activity... Video here >> https://youtu.be/EaY-874UO-8 For some silly reason I can't paste the video here. Restrictions of blogging via smartphone!

Cookie Dough Sensory - uncooked cookie dough is awesome, tasty and fun to play with. Video here >> https://youtu.be/VBadvJpy1VE

So I started my own list. She's not quite up to all of these but the more we practice, the more Rox seems to grasp the idea. Her arm motor skills are developing, but she's well on with talking and  responding to sound and visuals. Feel free to steal these ideas! 

1. Painting with mashed potato.
Safe if they (when they) eat the 'paint'. I dyed ours with beetroot, blue food dye and turmeric. Hello, first artwork!

2. "Where's the baby?" 
Stand in another room and call to your baby to see how she responds. I do this a lot when I'm going upstairs to collect her from a (rare!) nap. 

3. Press the doorbell and watch her catch on that doing so creates a sound. 

4. New toys - I'm not into masses of plastic or spending a fortune, so we've been experimenting with new things...

 - wooden spoon - a winner!
 - pots and pan lids
 - pebbles and sand (for a few months time)
 - double cream pots for stacking and playing 'hide the rattle'
 - paddling pool
 - a busy board (made by me, so proud!)

5. New songs - relive your childhood with some nursery rhymes! Dance in front of your baby to old.classics! Sing along with the radio in an opera voice!

6. "Chumi TV" - that's what we call 'watchibg the dog play'. Chumi is a lively collie and knows to run away when Rox goes for her ears...

7. Start the learning for using cutlery - plastic, of course. That'll keep you busy with the mess and the fun of a new thing baby can master. Be patient!

What new ideas have you had for your baby while you can't socialise? 

Lou x

Night all,

Lou x

Today I felt a bit of a fraud as I didn't have my baby  with me (she was napping) but we still had fun with new babies and old friends joining us from Bristol and beyond. Join us next time if you're a carer or parent stuck at home with a young one!

Monday, Wednesday, Friday @ 1.30pm
https://zoom.us/j/417600776

The app is free and easy to use. See you Monday! 

---

I think today's 'make myself happy' thing was my dog walk this morning. I bumped into a friend and we walked over the fields bear us for over an hour, 2m from each other of course!
Helping someone: I'm about to drop some groceries to the doorstep of a friend with a very new baby.
Productivity wise, I've done a load of washing and made meatballs for lunch. Yum!

See you tomorrow!
Lou x

I highly recommend doing mashed potato painting for little ones. I dyed the potato with food dye (blue), turmeric (yellow) and beetroot juice (purple) so the colours were 100% edible... Because she did eat a lot of it!

Yes, it created  a lot of mess, but a long-sleeved apron for baby helped, and it was a lot of fun. 

​This definitely qualifies as my 'make someone happy' activity for today!

If you do this, don't use parcel tape to attach the paper to the highchair. It left some brown marks which were very hard to remove!

​Lou x

I know what that feels like. I came home from a month with the in-laws intending to make he most of my last three months off work with Rox. However, one week later, social isolation descended. And now we're on lockdown. 

No more mums groups.
No more local events, beach trips, general public baby entertainment to enrich her life.
No more coffees out with friends.
No more building social skills of baby.
No more day trips for a 'change of scenery'.

Maternity leave is hard work, but there's lots of opportunity to meet new people, have fun, spend month, explore your baby's likes, dislikes, mental development... Much less so now!

This is why we agreed to some extent that we felt a bit robbed. We're all at home, either alone with baby, or with a partner, and finding ways to cope. 

However, I'd argue now, after some reflection, it ain't so bad. 

1. If we're keyworkers we don't have to work and potentially be exposed to CoVid-19 risk areas, staying at home and protecting our families.

2. Free entertainment for baby and mum has changed, not disappeared.  On yesterday's blog, for example, I told you about the free trial of Now TV. Once or twice a week baby groups time can easily be filled with a film. It's not the same, granted, but it's not terrible. Screen time is new for Rox anyway, as we've been careful to only really use screens for calling grandparents over the last few months.

3. Think about the mums who are about to have a baby or have just started their leave.  They haven't had the time we had at the start of their new family life, as have no idea when this situation will end. And for sure, some grandparents have yet to meet their new grandchild!

4. For some babies, isolation and lockdown means more time with daddy, yay!

My group of mum friends mostly have babies the same age as Rox, so we're all really lucky to have had 10, 9, 8 months already caring for our babes, bonding with them, and helping our babies develop into walking, talking, sleeping and behaving (almost)t  

I intend to make the most of the rest of my leave, even if it's limited socially! 

Lou x

P.S. I made plum buns to be productive today, made a rainbow for my front window like the neighbours are doing to spread positivity to help someone out (hopefully), and I watched The Lion King to make me happy. 

And, a gratuitous gorgeous pic of my favourite person...

I made Rox a train out of an Amazon delivery box. And I'm pretty pleased with myself. Not only does it look fun and fabulous (complete with gold lettering and luxury ribbons), she liked it!

I think that was my helping someone, making myself happy, and getting my productivity checked off all in one!

What a great way to spend an afternoon alone. 

"See" you tomorrow!

Lou x