From day one, he and I have been deliberately sharing all possible decisions about 'our day'. We have investigated options, shared ideas, and made decisions together. When we hit obstacles (and believe me, we have!), we've worked through our options together. There is not a whiff of the infuriating attitude of 'planning a wedding is a bride's realm'. We're in it together.
Honestly, I could have planned the wedding and all that comes with it myself - I'm that kind of organised person - but I wouldn't want to. Having my fiance's input was assumed. It's also highly valuable as we're building the day (ok, 4 days!) that we want, not just what I (or a hypothetical wedding planner would) want.
When people ask me (and they have) if Roberto is toeing the line and letting me plan the wedding of a lifetime, I say "no, he is not toeing the line". And I pause. They look shocked/saddened/worried. Then I say "there is no line to toe." We are planning OUR wedding together. It's not just my job!
It's kind of worked out well, really. We both have our strengths and weaknesses (don't ask me to order flowers in Spanish!!!) and we both have parts we enjoy more than others. I, for example, am really enjoying making the crafty bits like invitations and programmes, even with my questionable talent. My fiance is really good at doing the jobs 'on the ground' as he's actually in Costa Rica (where we're getting married) and he knows a lot more about local customs and people who can help us out with cakes, flowers etc. Finally, we seem to agree on most things. This sounds so fairytale, but it's not. We're just on the same page - we want a small wedding, a good party, and lots of thought being poured into the time we spend bringing our families together for the first time.
Sure, there's one or two elements of the wedding festivities I'm not telling him about - case in point, the dress - but every decision we can make together, we are. It's not tedious, it's enjoyable. We have time to do this, having a 7.5 month engagement, and between me and you, I know he's enjoying making little decisions about invitation designs as much as I am. His dedication to the event is impressive, which again, is nothing but exciting, heart-warming, and a blessing, me being 9,000km from where we're getting wed.
Who's wedding is it anyway? Mine and his. Who's marriage is this? Mine and his. We're in it together and we're keeping it that way.
Check out How To Have A Feminist Wedding if this kind of blog content floats your nuptial boat.
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Born To be A Tourist