This self-indulgent post came about from a chat with a friend of mine. She hasn't had kids, and this is my first - it dawned on us how little we knew and what odd expectations we had/have of what being pregnant was going to feel like.

Before getting pregnant, I imagined I would be a puker. I imagined significant weight gain, and, yay, the freedom to eat what I want (the causing factor the weight gain, but hey, I'm pregnant!). I did not expect to be so tired I fell asleep at my desk at work. I didn't puke til I got a stomach bug (twice), and actually am losing weight due to the limited diet of Gestation Diabetes kicking in. There has to be some up-sides, even if it means I would kill for a bowl of granola right now!!

I appreciate every woman's journey is different - my mother-in-law swears she had ZERO symptoms bar a growing belly - but here I am, just for fun and because I'm a little bored, in cartoon form, 31 weeks in. Two months to go!

You can see, it's been a fairly un-enjoyable ride so far! And I'm not even a 'complicated' pregnancy.

Some symptoms really don't bother me (e.g. the caffeine deprivation headache - it only lasted 3-4 days), and some are some bonuses (e.g. good hair), but most of pregnancy is just plain hard work. There's been two occasions (admittedly before anyone realised I had Gestational Diabetes and that something was up) when I've slept night-day-night. And yeah, 'belly growth' is an obvious side-effect, but I hadn't realised how soon I'd need maternity jeans and how tight my belly would feel - constantly. It's a big job, growing a human!

What's surprised me in a positive way is that I'm totally not freaked out by having a little being inside me. Pregnant bellies used to make me feel a bit grossed out, and I thought I'd be horrified seeing my belly move when little one does her acrobatics, but actually it's pretty amusing. And the size of my bump is 'tidy', I've been told; I'm kinda proud of it, really. As hard work as it's all been so far, my daughter is doing amazing, even if I feel a bit rough most days.

I've also felt a lot less emotional that I imagined. Hormones are a 'Bee with an Itch', causing everything from acne to diabetes, and I've been pretty consumed with PMS in the past, so I was preparing for the worst... with no need. Sure, I've had a handful of days when I've cried for no reason, but luckily it's not been in public! I've generally felt a lot more chilled, probably mostly due to the fact I'm tired/sleeping (i.e. silent) more. El Husbandio has got off lightly there, I think!

It's not good to compare, but whenever I feel a bit miserable about not sleeping due to hip pain, or I'm dying for a massive piece of chocolate tiffin, I remember my friend's mum's story. She was confined to a hospital bed for both her children's gestational period. I can still work, meet with friends, and I'm well looked after at home with a husband who likes to cook and is ever-so-slightly obsessed with cleaning and DIY. We're truly nesting!

It's totally got to a 'means to an end' situation in my world, and I can't wait for Baby to arrive.

Lou x

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Now there's a question. I didn't really expect an answer when I tweeted this message this morning, but my random 'had to share' musing made me think (more). Why do bad things happen to good people?

Recently, some friends of mine have been 'going through the mill'. From medical and financial complications, to spirit-crushing things at work and problems at home, things seems to be an uphill struggle. They're good people though, so how is this fair that their life is not sunny? Why can't they be given a break, or at least be given reasons for why such things happen?

I guess the question I tweeted is an age old question as no one really knows why things like that happen. Sure, sometimes it's bad decision making or a brief lack of judgement, but I see so many cases where there's nothing they did wrong. Some would say "life just sucks sometimes" but that's a bit simple and defeatist to me. Here's my opinion on why bad stuff happens to good people.

1. People who feel pain more intensely  may be those who care and love more. More openly, stronger, without judgement. That's a nice way of thinking about it, and it may be true. Totally stole this from the last episode of Fleabag on the BBC, by the way. Find it on the iplayer for a few weeks, well worth a binge.

2. Perhaps people who are nice, unselfish and caring expect the same from other people. I personally don't think this is unreasonable, but maybe it makes good eggs more vulnerable or naïve... Cue the bite in the ass shock you get when it's not a mutual thing. I know I've been there. I've expected the same courtesies back from people sometimes and received the opposite, and probably most of us can relate to this.

3. It doesn't apply most of the crap that's happening to my friends at the moment, and it's a bit of a weak argument, but sometimes good people can be busy people. Maybe having minor undesirable stuff happen to them could be a side-effect of distraction, stress, or just a lack of time to do things properly or on time?

4. Some good people may know they're good people and unintentionally offend or make mistakes as they know they didn't mean to cock-up. If you didn't mean to cause waves or create a negative situation, surely everyone understands that you meant well?! Well, no. They won't. Everyone is different. Good people are not perfect, give yourself a break, make amends if needs be, and know you meant no harm. And if people don't 'get' you, that's their problem, not yours.

It just occurred to me that bad things happen to bad people too. It's universal. Bad people may just absorb them better, be less inclined to share the news, or maybe we non-baddies think "well deserved" and move on, forgetting... Good things happen all the time though, so look out for the light and the moments of joy.

Yes, life does suck sometimes, and often you'll find you've seemed to have done nothing to deserve it. But good people should be rewarded, in my book, with less sh*t to deal with. Sometimes it's relentless and, if you're reading this, God, this tactic needs improvement! 

Just keep swimming, folks, and be kind to one another. After all, kindness and unselfish actions are often just the absence of 'unkindness' and selfishness. And if you are kind to others, that could be their 'good thing' that happens to that good person that day. Pay it forward!

Have a great week,

Lou x

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I've been reading 'It' by Stephen King for over a year now.
I can't read too much in one go as it's a bit of a monster (pun intended) and I start to dream about creepy clowns at night, so it's slow progress.
It's a great book though, if you like a bit of horror. Here's a video from SK himself, and 20 tips from Smart Blogger's interview with him, sharing tips on writing horror stories.
Enjoy...!

Lou x

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So why my focus on cling film? I have known for a long time that cling film is an environmental devil in sheet form, but I haven’t done much about it. Cling film is just so darn useful, available, and easy! It is however, not recyclable, and not really reusable. The stickiness of the cling seems to be a single use thing. Cling film, incidentally, can also be really dangerous when it’s heated (like in a microwave), but we never do this, as the chemicals in it leach into the food. Another good reason to drop the cling, though!
 
How did I cut out cling film, then? Well, I didn’t do it alone. I made sure El Husbandio was on board. Essentially, I hid the cling film box. This not only reminded us not to use the cling film, but put it out of sight so we didn’t even consider it, nine times out of ten.
 
I also had amazing support from one of my best friends, Louise (yep, there’s been a Terrible Two for over 20 years now!) who lives in Switzerland. She’d clocked my cling film challenge announcement on Facebook and recommended using beeswax wraps – see photos below – and I replied I had considered them, they were just a bit pricey at £15 each. The star that she is, Louise posted me some almost without delay.
 
Note for you creative types: You can make your own beeswax wraps – try this method from the Moral Fibres blog. 

A couple of weeks ago my friend Paul posted an emotions checklist on his wellbeing blog, demonstrating there is potentially/often a lot going on underneath than just being 'alright', his default answer when someone enquires how he is.

His article really struck a chord with me, so I printed off the list of emotions he referred to.

The day in question was a normal kinda day; nothing amazingly impressive, exciting, good or bad happened, just a day in the life. 

​Before I went to bed that night, I grabbed a pen and checked off the emotions on that list I could remember I'd felt during the day. 

And I was surprised. Even with my now fairly self-aware state (compared to a year or two ago), I was experiencing emotions I had never thought were in my collection, much less would I have been able to articulate that was actually what I was feeling, if asked. Just wish I'd done this when I was a teenager - would have helped with the cacophony of stress I experienced then, I think. 

I can remember the feeling of others on the list which didn't feature that day, and it's funny the response my body gives when considering them. Some of them I feel in my head, occasionally behind my eyes (like a tiredness), most manifest in my chest. That goes for the good and the bad. 

​It was also sort of nice to think, hey, there's one or two on there that I don't recall having felt before. Spiteful, I am pleased to say, is one of them. However, there are a few on there I would happily never feel again: Powerless, bitter, guilty, rejected....

Emotions are a complex thing. Small things, big things or nothing things can kick them off. I have a theory that waking up in a bad mood could be because you've had a stressful or sad dream. Often you have no control, like many things in life, over when they pop up or how you feel at certain times, but you can attempt to control the way you react to things when they happen. 

​  - Look for the blue sky - no unnecessary complaining, wear that smile!

  - Self-care (physically, mentally, emotionally - all) should be high on your priority list. Look after no.1.

  - Give yourself a break. 

​  - Remember all emotions are a natural response - just because you feel a little more inclined to one than another, it doesn't mean it's a bad thing. It only becomes negative when it dominates. 

  - Keep breathing. 

​Enjoy your weekend and enjoy some emotion-spotting - one kind of labelling I think is actually good for you. 

Lou x
​

This is an old, old photo. My baking and decorating skills have been much improved, but this is still great book/cake blog fodder, so indulge me!

​During 2010-12 I chaired a writing group in Towcester, Northants, and became really involved with all things books in the town library, where we would meet each month. World Book Night came along, and I baked for the event.

​Can you guess which books these are based on? Probably not, haha, they're not very well done with hindsight, but hey, it was a lot of fun. Answers below this photo, if you're interested.... 

​FYI - World Book Night is on 23rd April - get involved!

Answers: The ugly, blobby cupcakes are based on the idea of Small Island - Andrea Levy. The cake with 'Room' written on it is about, you guessed it, the fab novel Room by ​Emma Donoghue. My piping skills have improved somewhat since then!

​Cake amateur-ness aside, both books are a great read, in my top 10, I think. I'd definitely recommend them if you haven't already had the pleasure.

​If you want to see some of the more impressive and professional cakes I now make, take a look at my company website: 280 Bakes.

Lou x 

My Baking Addiction: by Jamie, who self-certifies herself as someone who bakes too much. I love it!

The Environment Agency has a great blog, for scientifically minded people and those who are not so - always hot on subjects affecting the UK's environment and beyond.

A new find: A Cranky Flier. Brett, the blogger, writes regular posts sharing his three favourite links to travel news on the web - among other great content.

A dear friend and past colleague of mine writes a fab mental health blog. Take a look at WYSE THOUGHTS, and say hi to Paul.

Gray (with an 'a') Matter has some great stories, always something interesting to read and learn here. A recent favourite of mine was the post on beautiful metro stations you can find across the planet.

Huffington Post has a Good News blog - brings warm feelings from around the world.

Let me know if I've missed your favourite!

Lou x

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I used to be a prolific writer. I was writing monthly for a magazine (around 2010,, for a couple of years), I blogged at least weekly here and on my travel blog, and I participated in group and online writing challenges. I had (have!) a great idea for a work in progress, and I loved every minute of penning an idea and creating a story.

So why did I stop?

I guess that's a little unfair. I haven't stopped writing for fun/enterprise entirely. I still blog weekly for my baking business 280 Bakes and it's going great guns. However, the last post (aside from two in early March when I panicked and got keen again for a day) on my Born to be a Tourist travel blog was exactly a year ago, and on here, my poor writing/lifestyle blog has been severely neglected. The last post here was posted in May last year. Call myself a writer??

Well, actually I don't think I do call myself a writer any more.

I write. I do. I use my skills in writing all the time: I write emails every day, to people as diverse as my Grandma (catching up) to the Lord Mayor of Bristol (a VIP event invite for 280 Bakes), I write reports, minutes, emails in my 'day job' in an office in Bristol... I was praised yesterday, in fact, for my easy style of writing - which prompted this post.  Unfortunately though, it's just writing a shopping list that's missing from the list of things I seriously sit down and write. I just don't do creative writing much nowadays.

And it's not like I cut back consciously. It happened gradually perhaps, and time flew by; suddenly it had been months and years since I'd worked on anything bigger than a 500 word blog about cake.

I think my writing time was diminished for a number of reasons:

a) Life got busy. Busier. Married, a (new) full time job and a business to run on the side, a pup, living in a new town with things to discover, more financial responsibilities... all these things take up time, no matter how pleased I might be to welcome them into my life.

b) Moving from Northamptonshire, I left behind me an awesome writing group which I Chaired. The group was such an inspiration, and the discipline of having to write a short story or selection of poems each month was a real driver for creativity. The group is still going, I hear, I still miss it.

c) I think, honestly, I've moved on a little from writing, too. I felt a bit guilty about this for a while, and I have no idea why. It's not like I was letting down millions of fans. A few thousand followed me on the blogs, but I am sure no one cried. I was fully aware I was never going to get rich writing, but was keen at one stage to see my skills and portfolio develop professionally. Now, I guess, I have other interests, but should use writing more as a hobby or an outlet more.

d) I went through some dark times - anxiety and depression doesn't encourage creativity, but with hindsight, it could have helped. At the time though, I couldn't face writing anything with concentration levels on the floor and low self-esteem. No one wanted to hear from me, I was sure, and I didn't really want to get stuck in writing negatively centred things.

However, there's hope. The fact I'm writing this post is a positive sign. Hey, life is always busy - it's about making time for what you want to do, your priorities. I've not found a writing group in Bristol which works for me, and I don't know if I'm that enthused about going along, really, now. And you know what, it's ok if writing isn't a priority for me now. It's just there, hovering in the background, something I can dip into as and when. Moving on isn't a bad thing, in many aspects of life, but I know I can always go back to it. Life has taught me a lot in the last few years, and I'm sure there's something I could say, especially now I'm much-improved mentally. Still working on it every day, but much mended.

I have 39 unfinished drafts for Miss Write and many more for Born to be a Tourist. Maybe I'll have a crack this weekend. A long, potentially wet weather Easter weekend is a perfect excuse for some inner expression. Watch this space - but don't hold your breath.

Lou x

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3. A full cutlery drawer. This means the dishwasher (if I’m at my parents’ place) is empty – putting the clean stuff away is not a job I enjoy! – or the dishes have been done at home. Yay, thanks husband! We have a lot of cutlery, so we can go a while without washing it, but it’s nice to see a full complement of utensils. A happy kitchen!

4. Paying off bills. I hate having debt, so a clean credit card statement and no bills due is a good thing. Boring, but good in the long-run. 

5. Family parties – of all kinds, for all ages. Family has become more and more important to me over the last 5-10 years. We had 4 family members pass away between 2009 and 2013 and it’s no surprise that it’s brought one or two of our relatives closer to my immediate family. Some family relationships could of course be better (the clue is in the word ‘family’!), but family remains key. 

6. Pay day – never really lame, but I think I have more interesting things to spend it on, day by day. It's not a huge salary, but it beats getting £4.25 / hour as a 14 year old Saturday girl! I am always grateful to have a job, and one I enjoy at that, let alone one which allows me to live / travel / save. 

7. Keeping fit and controlling what I eat. I wasn’t a fan of PE at school and it took me a while to find my niche in sport (classes!) but now I love the feeling being fit and having a slimmer figure gives me. *** UPDATE I've lost 4kg since I wrote this originally! ***

8. Having friends who are old enough to be your (grand)parents – good mates don’t mind an age gap.

9. Reading (especially paperbacks!) – ebooks are not for me – I’ve read three and much prefer paperbacks. Reading has always been in my life and I’m loving the fact it’s an acceptable and longed for way to spend the evening among a lot of my peers. It wasn’t cool when I was a kid, but it sure is almost a treat now!

10. A full tank of petrol. My car almost feels more alive when it's wangled a fresh £40 out of me!

​Today I Told Her

Today I told her. 
 
This evening I told my wife a secret.
A year of marital bliss fell from my lips and crashed into foetal positioned dreams around our feet.
 
“How about Annie for a girl?”
 
I could hold back no longer.
I had to speak.
 
She shook off a long blinked. I could feel our hearts sinking together, yet I was convinced.
 
“What do you mean?”
 
I repeated the loaded phrase, more than words.
 
“How… what...? When did you decide this?”
 
Eight months into our marriage I found myself wishing for nothing more.
 
“Are you sick?”
 
No. I wanted no children – she was enough, my love entirely hers.

Lou x
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