Mindfulness means "maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens," according to Berkley University.

It's a fantastic tool to have up your sleeve when you're working on improving your mental wellbeing. However, we all have heard how detrimental social media - and Facebook in particular - can be, harmful for minds young and old alike, so I am examining today how mindfulness can help us improve our relationship with these modern platforms. 

How To Use Facebook Mindfully: Examining 6 Top Reasons People Love That Platform!

1. It's great for reminding you of birthdays. An 'on-the-day' reminder may be too late to post a gift, but at least you can drop them a message. How can you be mindful about this? You could set aside some time to write the birthday boy/girl a proper message, or give them a call. From another angle you could look ahead for the month and remember who is coming up with celebration days. How do you feel about that? Would you like to do more for them than sending them a quick meme?

2. Attention seekers - a perfect tool for them!
Posting what you had for lunch, a post-workout selfie, updating the world with photos of the slow growing cactus in your greenhouse... The people who incessantly share mundane moments in their life are looking for validation and don't have much in the 'real' life to entertain themselves, IMO! Yes, share your life and connect with others, but we don't all need to know all the things. Tackling this mindfully could be to unfollow friends who post mindless crap - they won't know you've done so - and be aware of what you're posting yourself. Ask yourself why you're posting this. Should you be connecting directly with someone specific, or actually talking about what the reader may see between the lines? Don't feel like you should  comment on everything, especially inflammatory posts. 

3. "I like to stalk people."
Perusing other people's profiles obsessively can be just that: An obsession. Be it a crush, an ex, a role model, a celebrity... Perhaps more of us have done this that would possibly admit... Sure, no one will know you're looking at their profile, but isn't that a little sinister? Facebook has a specific FAQ on their help centre which addresses this, so it is VERY common.

If you're worried you may be bordering on unhealthy levels of social stalking, a way to tackle this mindfully can be to set yourself a time limit, or set yourself boundaries as to who you allow yourself to browse and scroll through. Also, make a point of registering how you feel when you observe what these people post - if it makes you feel negatively, there's your sign. Perhaps it's time to let go of the hold that ex-boyfriend has on you.

4. Facebook can help while away boring moments in your day. 
But these moments should be just that - moments. Small sections of time when life is quiet, paused - my favourite example of this is when I'm at the bus stop. It's rare, so it's not a great example, but that situation is when I find myself reaching for my phone for entertainment, without fail. In general though, life is too short and too interesting to be scrolling through masses of cat videos and family photo albums by people you wouldn't go for a coffee with. 

5. "It is an essential tool for my work."
This resonates with me more than any of the other five reasons. I believe if I didn't get 90% of my cake orders through Facebook I would use it much less. It's a great source of exposure for my little local business, and such an easy way to engage with customers. I take an approach which has a formula for my business postings - albeit a very simple one - in regard to content, but it seems to work, and keeps me focussed on why I am posting at all. I also try to keep a strict limit on how much time I spend on this. 

6. It's a great way to follow a cause or charity. 
These organisations love their followers, but you're only useful to them if you like and share. And ultimately donate, in most cases. So why not be a little mindful of your causes following and only really follow and engage with the ones you really care about? Go one step further and volunteer!

How have I stepped away from Facebook myself?
I'm not here to prescribe anything or to tell you what to do, this is purely me sharing what has worked for me. 

  - I've turned off my Facebook mobile notifications - I only see I have notifications when I actively log on. 
  - I installed a phone activity tracker for a week to see how many times I checked for messages. It was
    shocking. I have since turned off notifications for Whatsapp and Instagram too. It is me who decides when I look at
    my phone, not a pinging sound. 
  - I often take a break from Facebook - mostly when I go on holiday. I want to be present for me, for my family, to get
​    the most out of the precious times we have together. This also works at the end of the day - I don't touch social
    media after around 8pm to help clear my mind before bed. 
  - This isn't a Facebook thing, but a wider social media point - I've really stepped back from Twitter now, with my
    business hat on. I researched where my orders come from and the engagements through tweets were not fruitful
    enough. I now focus more in Instagram and Facebook. I dip in and out of Twitter still, but only when there's
    something specific happening, like #collabhour or a national food day (e.g. Chocolate Cake Day - Jan 27th - when I
    share my chocolate creations). 
  - I only share what truly amuses or informs me, something I really care about and I've enjoyed
    reading/watching and think my friends may gain something from it. Otherwise, what is the point?
  - I've had a 'friend purge', cutting right back to people I'd actually care to see updates from. This knocked out some
    old school friends I realistically know nothing about aside from what they've posted recently, and businesses who
    have their own profiles and are based far from where I live now we've moved. 

Facebook will always throw in a curveball, the odd advert/possible connection/news article/blog post/friend update to tempt you to buy or view elsewhere or connect with someone you don't really know; that's their business. You can control what you see, to a degree, (especially by having a purge, like above) even though the algorithms have massive control.

Being 'present' and aware of your activities and emotions helps. Try not to mindlessly scroll, but actively look for people/things which interest you. Facebook is the biggest social network in the world, but you don't want or need to know about it all. 

In summary, and as Parentology says, too much Facebook is bad for your health. Actually, the Guardian suggests that a 'Facebook holiday' -  taking a break from it - can be very beneficial, especially for heavy users or 'lurkers'. Yes, it's addictive, but maybe turn those notifications off for a while to resist temptation. But when you do log in, try to be mindful about how you're using the app, for your own wellbeing's sake. 

Let me know what you think - am I talking sense? Anyone have any more tips?

Lou x

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​It’s perhaps a bigger challenge on some days/weeks than others, but listening to your body, respecting yourself and your boundaries, and sometimes just forgiving yourself can help you ‘have your own back’.  

Here are ten ways you can foster a greater self-love for yourself – you’re worth it!

1. Protect your ‘you’ time – speaking as a mum of a toddler, this comes from the heart! I try to make sure I do something for my own pleasure each day, like baking, finishing my book, having a really long walk…
2. Don’t believe everything you think. A self-help Lifehack website says “There is an inner critic inside of us trying to keep us small and safe. The downside is this also stops us from living a full life.”
3. Celebrate the small wins. When the last year or two has made it difficult to get together with folks we would celebrate with, find a little reason to do so at home on a smaller scale. 
4. Nourish yourself – your body and mind will have a better chance if you fuel it with good nutritious food and lots of water.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others. Period.
6. Surround yourself with people who love and encourage you – this includes ending toxic relationships. This is difficult, but you’ll feel so much free-er afterwards!
7. Allow yourself to make mistakes. We all make them, so remember that sometimes learning from them can help you move forward.
8. Don’t place your value on how you look. A ‘good hair day’ is a wonderful thing, and a toned body is great, but you are so much more than good legs!
9. Forgive yourself. If you’re ashamed or feeling guilty about something, perhaps try to make amends and let it go.
10. Don’t worry too much about what other people think. Trying to do what society expects or trying to please everyone all the time is exhausting and impossible!

 

​Finally, I find it helpful to imagine I am a friend of mine listening to how I don’t feel so great about who I am or how I feel – how would they react? What would they say or do?
 
Have a wonderful November and take care, 

Lou x

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Born to be a Tourist

Lou x

Find me on Facebook
...and on Twitter
Born to be a Tourist

It looked like 'Old' was a perfect film for us: Beach scenes, a mysterious thriller, and an early finish! An all-star cast isn't always enjoyed, and big effects can get a bit wearing film after film, so how did 'Old' stack up? Here's my review, on the theme of mindfulness, the well being booster tactic, in the movie. 

'Old' is one of those movies that you don't know if on brief reflection you really enjoyed. We both agreed we wouldn't watch it again, but mostly because we now knew the ending. The premise was interesting, probably better for being a book before the movie was made: A 'paradise' beach which ages people a year every 30 mins they're there. The tourists can't escape and, along with a rapid advancement of age - and in some cases of growing up a little ​ too fast - a mini mental breakdown of some individuals does start to begin, which was interesting, especially the Instagram model who couldn't bear anyone seeing her age. The acting left a bit to be desired across the board really; the best actors were the teens Alex Wollf and Thomasin McKenzie. 

My eyes stayed glued to the screen, and I really wanted to know how it ended. ​The best bits were when there was some real poignant moments in the relatable themes of aging, puberty and parenting. Just before the now blind father of the main character family dies of old age, he loses his memory but says the most lovely things to his wife he was previously on course for a divorce with, and questions why they ever wanted to leave the beach: "It's beautiful." It really spoke to me about mindfulness, enjoying the moment, and the value of being with who you love. 

When Kara gives birth, I really felt quite emotional. I had my first child just two years ago, and, of course, the baby died less than a minute after it was born - one month is about a minute on the beach, and he died purely of neglect with not enough love, feed or sleep. This was very well done, and Kara really seems to grieve, even being so young and after only having been pregnant for maybe 30 mins and being a mum for less than 60 seconds! Mindfulness even featured here, in the rushed episode of motherhood, when Trent buries the baby with his own hands, in the sand. This must have felt cathartic, in a way, for the character. 

I also loved when the adult version of Trent (the boy in the main family) suggests to his now adult older sister that they make some sandcastles before they go off together to try a desperate attempt of escape, one most likely to fail. This was beautiful, reminding us that they were still only six and nine (I estimate) in the 'real world', and it was a little emotional seeing them bond for perhaps one final time, again, being mindful in a moment. I'm a big fan of the 'M' word, you may have guessed. The sand's texture, the fun sandcastle building brings, the companionship... The sandcastles making was a clear nod to the original story by Pierre Oscar Levy too, was very thoughtful of the screenplay writers. 

I have to say though, the Director M Night Shyamalan has produced some corkers before (e.g. The Sixth Sense), and sadly, this can't be counted as one of his greats. The execution was a bit ropey, and the end should have stopped at the twist, but I don't think even the pandemic can be blamed for that (it was filmed in 2020 on location). Also, there was no explanation why the famous guy wasn't aging or, in fact, more likely, dead, when the new arrivals find him at the beach. Goof?

In summary, I wouldn't avoid 'Old', but you won't miss much if you wait until it hits home viewing. It was good enough for date night and definitely provoked some thinking. How about a 7/10?

Lou x

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This week is World Breastfeeding Week (1st Aug to 7th Aug), run by the World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action - WABA. WABA is a global network of individuals and organisations dedicated to the protection, promotion and support of breastfeeding worldwide.
​
Breastfeeding is a personal choice and there are a few reasons why women will choose not to breastfeed (or may not be capable of doing so). WABA have been running World Breastfeeding Week since 1992 to promote the benefits of breastfeeding and to encourage a world where it is accepted and safe for women to do so in public too.

The objectives of World Breastfeeding Week 2021 are to:

- Inform people about the importance of breastfeeding;
- Anchor breastfeeding support as a vital public health responsibility;
- Engage with individuals and organisations for greater impact;
- and Galvanise action on protecting breastfeeding to improve public health.

How can you support a breastfeeding mother?

As a woman:
• Play an important role in securing unbiased information and support for breastfeeding and providing it to others
• Aim breastfeeding for the first six months, if you can andnif appropriate, having the courage to ask for support if needed
• Discuss complementary foods/feeding and continued breastfeeding from 6-24+ months
• Speak about breastfeeding as a feminist issue and support each other to breastfeed in public
• Share experiences to build a mother’s own confidence in her breastfeeding journey

As a man:
• Be aware of the negative influence of industry promotion practices on breastfeeding
• Play a proactive role in the decision to breastfeed and attend antenatal and postnatal classes to learn more about breastfeeding
• Promote the participation of men in parenting and domestic responsibilities including providing emotional support to their partners
• Empower breastfeeding mothers by raising awareness of and maintaining optimum breastfeeding practices
• Form a network with other fathers and family members within the community to support breastfeeding mothers

Breastfeeding mothers are protected under the Equality Act 2010. The Equality Act 2010 says that it is against the law to treat a woman unfavourably because she is breastfeeding. This covers any business or organisation that provides services to the public and it applies to any staff and customers of that business or organisation.

Lou x
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Even the words brighten my outlook, because I know what good they do. I'm off to cuddle my daughter and take the dog for a nature walk. Hello serotonin and oxytocin!
​
Be well, 

Lou x

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Born to be a Tourist

​​Honestly, what a waste. And given there's such a thing as 'clothing poverty' makes the waste even more horrendous. 

So what can you do to give you unwanted clothing a longer life, and potentially help someone out?

1. Transform and upcycle them into something new! For instance, make jean shorts out of jeans, or dusters from old tea towels or tshirts. 
2. Donate them to a local textile or fabric recycling centre. You can find a list of such places on Recycle Now.
3. Ask your council about textile collections (many offer a free service).
4. Donate to an animal shelter. They might be used to make blankets or beds, to make abandoned pets feel more comfortable. 
5. Donate to charity. Easy and feel-good!
6. Pass them down. I think I speak for most mums when I say reasonable condition kids clothes are always welcome as hand-me-downs!
7. Rent your clothes. MyWardrobeHQ and ByRotation are clothing rental platforms. Renting out your clothes can save you space, without your having to give up your garments in the process. And choosing to rent someone else's clothes can also be a cost-effective and environmentally-friendly way to get an eye-catching outfit for that one-off occasion!
8. Swap your clothes with friends and family. 
9. Trade your clothes for ca$h. It's what ebay was made for! Also try Vinted for vintage clothing, while Rethread, Hardly Ever Worn It and Vestiare cover high-end fashion. 

It's clear-out time!

Lou x

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This website will count how many time you've typed EVERY word in your essay, story, poem... whatever you've written. My outcome 'Scrabble Pieces', my 'work in progress', was kinda boring at the top of the word list, but as I got down to the words used less than 10 times it became a much more eloquent list! 

The nerd in me loved this. 

I won't be making any changes given my top 12, but it did make me consider more about which words I choose to use. Interestingly though, my two protagonists (female twins) are  6 spots apart from each other, Rachel having her name 40% more.

If you're writing something at the moment I thoroughly recommend having a play with this tool. You only need ot paste your text body into the text box on the website and it's analysed instantly. 

Lou x

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Our dining room isn't even that cluttered really, but I hadn't seen this draft, this precious gem for months. I remember writing a few words in the last couple of days before I had a baby, but it was so uncomfortable to sit down for long I didn't manage much. And that was over 18 months ago. I think I've been hiding from my manuscript. 

Unfinished. Ignored. You can hardly call that a 'work in progress'! 

Sure, I'm busy, who isn't. Even in lockdown. I have a baby, a dog, hobbies like cycling, reading and travelling, a part time job, my baking business 280 Bakes, and a (Covid limited) social life. But I am a firm believer in if you want to get it done, you'll find the time. 

I am getting better at finding a few minutes for myself, as my baby has got a bit older. Around 7pm is prime 'me time' as El Husbandio often calls his parents and plays on video call with Rox. I mostly use this time to have a shower and potter about upstairs for around half an hour, maybe paint my toenails or unwind to a podcast... but I think I will try to make that time a time to write. A shower can wait until Rox is in bed.

What do you reckon, 500 words in 20-30 mins, that's do-able right?! The main bones are there on the page; I have a structure, a great into, a satisfying end, the bulk of the story... It's just the dreaded 'middle part' I need to flesh out. The book is called 'Scrabble Pieces' at the moment, but I am sure I can come up with a better title than that, even sat here today. One small step at a time. 

​Instead of blogging I should write my book!!!

Maybe this should be my new year's resolution for 2021. I'm not big into them normally, but sometimes you have to have something to drive you along! Who knows, this time next year I may have another book under my belt...

Lou x

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El Husbandio couldn't disagree more. He thinks receiving a book is an insult, almost! He'd much rather be gifted 'something useful' like socks or a gift voucher. And not a Waterstones one!

Personally, I can't wait to get stuck into these two novels: The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, the sequel to The Handmaid's Tale (which I really liked, read earlier this year - not yet seen the TV series), and The Shadow King, by Maaza Mengiste, a new author for me, an Ethiopian-American writer. Thanks mum and Lou G!

Keep reading, 

Lou x

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Born to be a Tourist