Our dining room isn't even that cluttered really, but I hadn't seen this draft, this precious gem for months. I remember writing a few words in the last couple of days before I had a baby, but it was so uncomfortable to sit down for long I didn't manage much. And that was over 18 months ago. I think I've been hiding from my manuscript. 

Unfinished. Ignored. You can hardly call that a 'work in progress'! 

Sure, I'm busy, who isn't. Even in lockdown. I have a baby, a dog, hobbies like cycling, reading and travelling, a part time job, my baking business 280 Bakes, and a (Covid limited) social life. But I am a firm believer in if you want to get it done, you'll find the time. 

I am getting better at finding a few minutes for myself, as my baby has got a bit older. Around 7pm is prime 'me time' as El Husbandio often calls his parents and plays on video call with Rox. I mostly use this time to have a shower and potter about upstairs for around half an hour, maybe paint my toenails or unwind to a podcast... but I think I will try to make that time a time to write. A shower can wait until Rox is in bed.

What do you reckon, 500 words in 20-30 mins, that's do-able right?! The main bones are there on the page; I have a structure, a great into, a satisfying end, the bulk of the story... It's just the dreaded 'middle part' I need to flesh out. The book is called 'Scrabble Pieces' at the moment, but I am sure I can come up with a better title than that, even sat here today. One small step at a time. 

​Instead of blogging I should write my book!!!

Maybe this should be my new year's resolution for 2021. I'm not big into them normally, but sometimes you have to have something to drive you along! Who knows, this time next year I may have another book under my belt...

Lou x

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El Husbandio couldn't disagree more. He thinks receiving a book is an insult, almost! He'd much rather be gifted 'something useful' like socks or a gift voucher. And not a Waterstones one!

Personally, I can't wait to get stuck into these two novels: The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, the sequel to The Handmaid's Tale (which I really liked, read earlier this year - not yet seen the TV series), and The Shadow King, by Maaza Mengiste, a new author for me, an Ethiopian-American writer. Thanks mum and Lou G!

Keep reading, 

Lou x

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​Quick facts about Roald Dahl, my favourite childrens' writer...

     - He was born in Cardiff to Norweign parents. 

     - Dahl wasn't just a story writer - he was also a fighter pilot in World War 2. 

     - He would have been 104 years old if he was alive today. 

     - And my favourite book? The BFG!

I believe in magic, but there was certainly none of the Dahl magic here on Mermaid Quay.

​The quick trip to Roald Dahl Plass may have been a let-down, but I did however enjoy a tasty cookies and cream cereal bar from Lidl that happily I found in my handbag, and I did find (an appropriate memorial of) Ivor Novello. All was not lost. And then the heavens opened and I got soaked! What a random, curious, disappointing and wet 20 mins! Back to the car I went!

Lou x

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Really, returning to work post Maternity leave felt like a release from Lockdown. Of course, I am still socially distancing and respecting the 'number rules' for meeting people, but having a new focus of going back to work after 13 months of Mat Leave felt like a big change. It wasn't unwelcome, just because of the freedom it felt like, however much I wanted to stay being a full-time mum. I also enjoyed using my brain in a new way!

Also, Lockdown had moved on a bit since then. Gone was the three month total Lockdown where we were not supposed to leave the house apart form a daily walk and medical/food supply runs. Things definitely felt more normal. I only really have missed the cinema, and only a little. When I was pregnant I basically slept for nine months (!!) so we didn't go out at all really, and when baby arrived we had other things on our plate, obviously. I'd like to say I'm missing gigs and theatres, but experiencing that part of city culture was rare for me, however enjoyable they were before Lockdown.

I think how I'm feeling now, like many other people, is we are firmly in a 'new normal'. And this 'new normal' isn't temporary, like the 'normal' we were subjected to in the early summer. Thank goodness that didn't last an enormously long time (and that the weather was so great!), and let's hope national Lockdown doesn't happen again.

I appreciate many people are fearing job losses, suffering health issues, and worried for their children mixing at school, but for us, we're feeling lucky. This form of Lockdown isn't so bad. It's all relative, isn't it; comparing these days to days back in April, it's a totally different situation down here in Bristol. London and the north is struggling in particular, and comparing my situation to people who have family members with Covid or who need to shield isn't really fair, but we're doing ok. What has really helped is all the socially distanced dog walking with a friend or two, and having one of my closest mates support bubbling with us. She lives on her own, so it's totally legit, but honestly, I feel like the support is more for me!!!

What has been quite different in the last three months is my day job. I work part-time as a PA in a government department, and every day, in normal times, I'd take the Park & Ride into the city centre, working in an open plan office with over 1000 desks. Now I'm working from home indefinitely, which is totally different. There's a whole blog on that subject alone, but it's mainly a good thing, and I feel much safer than having to use public transport and mix with people I have no idea how well they are following the government safety guidelines. I am blessed to have a job I can work from home with, keeping a routine is so helpful. 

Two weeks ago I started a new role (same department). This was a strange process with a video interview and starting work on day one in my spare room. El Husbandio and I both work in the same room Tuesdays and Thursdays - I think that'll be the biggest challenge!! We're already kind of on top of each other day and night.

Of course, I'm saying "roll on that vaccine!" and I miss my friends and family - and the warm weather!!! - but honestly, I'd love to keep working from home. It's so easy to fit in walking the dog, receiving deliveries, managing nursery drop offs/collections, it's (mostly) quiet, I have my home comforts... I even managed a haircut on my lunchbreak back in August! I do miss the company of my team some days, but it's fast becoming the new normal that we catch up on video and have social check ins. And if my work situation stays this way for a while, I shan't be complaining. 

My lockdown buddies and I are staying safe. We're not being risky (nursery being the only wild card really) and we're hanging in there. 

​Stay safe yourselves! 

Lou x

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A friend of mine is running an anthology submission competition and she asked me to contribute. It was on a subject I'd not normally write about - sex - and, being a personal story, I chose to write in disguise under a different name. Initial feedback on my honest piece is more than encouraging, so I hope it makes the final cut of the book. 

​How did I choose my (secret!) pen name? I could have used a pen name generator, but that's so impersonal, I think. I still wanted to hang onto a bit of me, even if I was in disguise.

There is a former footballer with a sexy, strong sounding last name, so I pinched that. I think my married and maiden names were both strong, so that was pretty important to me. I always thought Louise XXXX sounded good, so I've kept my first name featured in my pen name, just changing the surname. It still feels a bit like me that way.  

Other ideas I had: 

1. Something inspired by a favourite film or actor of mine... Perhaps Louise Trinity (The Matrix), L Miller (We're The Millers), Louise Everdeen in homage to the awesome Jennifer Lawrence in Hunger Games...

2. I'm a country music fan so Louise Cash, Osbourne, Rogers or Swift? 

3. My favourite book for a long time was Rebecca ~ Daphne Du Maurier - I'm not so keen on Daphne but Rebecca  could have worked as a first name. 

4. Maps have always been fascinating to me - a true geographer! - so I considered incorporating something from my local area. The area of Bristol I'm currently living in is called Lawrence Weston, but that would make me a man. A step too far for a disguise??

5. Wildlife inspired - how about using Lark, Wren, Daisy, or Poppy as a first name? I did quite warm to Lark, being another strong sounding name, but I'm not sure how plausible that is, not having known of anyone named that. 

How would you go about choosing a pen name?

Lou x

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Lockdown has had an affect on our types of waste and the behaviours we display around getting rid of our waste. For example, who could have predicted 5 months ago that so many face masks would be dropped into supermarket bins as people exit the building? I certainly didn't have any face masks at home in February, but we have a stash now, ready for whenever the weekly shop is called for. 

Even during the pandemic, it's important to remember to AVOID, REDUCE, REUSE, and RECYCLE your waste. The environment can't take a 'messy break' and litter, waste and pollution are not something to allow just because "times are unprecedented". Through lockdown, more single use plastic has been used, in an effort perhaps by people trying to reduce their contamination risks. This is often things like

 - plastic cutlery and plates on picnics and in school canteens, when reusable ones from home would be easy to take instead, and easily washed to use again. 

- delivery packaging from supermarkets. If you've been lucky enough to 'bag' *ahem* a supermarket delivery slot, you may have noticed they are not using reusable containers anymore, and are relying on plastic carrier bags a lot more. 

- takeaway containers not only from your normal Chinese or fish and chips shop, but also from restaurants and cafes who are now offering a new 'lockdown' takeaway service. Most of these are (recyclable) plastic or (non-recyclable) polystyrene containers, many of which are not disposed of properly when the meal is over. 

The reduced choice and availability in supermarkets has also contributed to the issue. Many people who would have chosen the 'plastic free' produce now have now option but to buy the cellophane wrapped broccoli and the huge 1kg bag of carrots instead of buying loose. 

​Masks are a new challenge in waste generation circles: A growing demand (which will continue to grow next week with it becoming compulsory to wear masks in supermarkets), a complex material, and a very visible one when some people simply cannot be arsed to dispose of them properly. Some people even have been flushing them down the toilet.

Masks need to be put responsibly in the bin; They are made from a mix of materials, including plastics, and cannot be recycled. Masks often end up thrown on the floor when used, left available for wildlife to eat and to create an eyesore in public areas. I know I've seen some on the pavements in my local area, and in green areas...

​And marine pollution doesn't escape either. The Guardian reported 'more masks than jellyfish' recently. 

How can we combat this?

- Report littering and flytipping to your local council. You can often just fill out a quick form online and they generally clear up the issue within a few days, if you're lucky. 

​- Social media the hell out of irresponsible plastic littering! I found this on Instagram recently, specifically for plastic gloves litter on beaches >>>

 - It is still safe to litter pick, if you wish, but I'd strongly recommend using gloves and a litter-picker if possible (the grabbing stick kind). 
​
​- Now the recycling centres are open again, make full use of them if your recycling is overflowing. This will leave more space in your refuse bin for things like masks and rubber gloves which cannot be recycled. 

- Make sure your mask is binned - and stays in the bin! If the bin is overflowing, take it home with you and dispose of it there.

 - Use reusable masks 

On the plus side, waste carrier Veolia has reported a 30% increase in recycling since lockdown began, and the materials are 'cleaner' too, with fewer waste items contaminating the bins and boxes. This is a big win, let's hope it continues!

​You may have seen this striking photo from Oceans Asia. Possibly does more with the image than my 100s of words here. 

Throw nature a bone - not a mask - and dispose of your waste properly, folks!

Lou x

Yes, I know, some are submarines and the pretzel holes are far from defined, but they tasted perfect. Yum yum! One more from the buns of the world baking book!

 This is my last Lockdown diary style post. I feel like all that's missing from 'before' is the social distancing, the 2m rule still being advised. It's feeling doubly like the end of lockdown as I'm working again, albeit returning from mat leave, and only upstairs in the spare room, but still, feels like a new beginning.

​Honestly, on meeting friends, once we got over the initial 'can't hug hello', a walk or a cuppa continues as normal, especially now we're allowed indoors. Still waiting for the cinemas to re-open, personally, but it's not bothering me much at all nowadays. Hope you're feeling similarly!

My final wellbeing lockdown challenge looked like this yesterday...

Something for me: Online Zumba class
Something to make someone else smile: Pretzels for friends and neighbours
Productivity: The pretzels - they took forever to make!

Lou x

The local fruit trees are just coming into season, but I'd never noticed the cherries before. I picked exactly one cup's worth too, on a whim, and that's exactly what I needed for a recipe I found later that afternoon. 

I have never baked (or indeed, tasted) cherry scones with fresh fruit before, but these are YUMMY. The dough was really wet, which made rolling it out and using a cutter impossible, but I 'blobbed it' on a baking tray and they came out pretty well. 

Ooh look, it's time for afternoon snack. 

​Lou x

Lockdown Wellbeing:

Productivity: See above
Make myself happy: Enjoyed having a coffee in the garden with my brother this afternoon. 
Made someone else smile: I delivered a chococlate cake to my very pregnant friend. 

I'm going back to work this week after 13 months of maternity leave, and I am full of emotions. I've thoroughly enjoyed being a new mum and having so much time looking after Rox. Honestly, if we could afford it, I wouldn't be going back to work. Consequently it's been a bit of an emotional time lately, and I've felt pressured to 'enjoy the time' I have left with Rox, even through the limits of lockdown. 

Here's a few of the things which have been playing on my mind...

 - Will I remember  what I need to for my role? My brain is a bit mushy right now!
 - Will my new mum crowd drift away?
 - Will our childcare plan work out well? This involves El Husbandio having Rox two days in a row, he'll be learning fast!
 - Will I be as good as my team expect or remember me to be?
 - Is there anything I should do before I return to work to help Rox's development? To enjoy myself?
 - Why are me and El Husbandio at each other this week?
 - How will domestic duties be split now I won't be as available?
 - How will home working work when both of us are in the office?

So many things on my mind!

I had a bad day today with all this - and more - going round my brain. I realised I felt 

This is a bit of a lethal combination for me, the Big Three. These feelings do dominate when I'm having a rough time. Spotting I felt this way is a HUMUNGOUS achievement for me, given I had no emotional awareness a couple of years back. I've worked hard to recognise my emotions and to help let them be and pass, if they're not helpful. 

I didn't want to reflect any more. It was getting too much.

I took some deep breaths. . 
I spent some time in the garden alone. 
I reminded myself I'll still be a mum forever, it's not ending. 
I thought of the near future, how exciting it'll be when Rox is walking, talking...
I made a mental list of all the great things Rox and I are planning for the next year.
I reminded myself that I like my boss, my job, I'm going to go back to having a monthly income. 

And this helped enormously. I start work on Wednesday, and I don't feel terrible about it. Now I feel

  Proud
  Relaxed
  Sad

I'm immensely proud of what I've achieved this year, relaxed about going back to work (slowly does it, it'll feel normal before long), but still a little bit sad still I won't have my little shadow by my side all day. 

And that's ok. 

​Lou x

Something possessed me and I couldn't turn the oven off. I've just kept going since Sundays major charity bake, it seems!!

The rolls are linseed and oat (for tea), the buns are almond sponge with cherries for decoration (reminds me of my grandma), and the carrot cake is egg free - vegan, actually - as my baby can't eat egg. 

​So there's my productivity ticked off for today...
For myself... I participated in a weekly quiz my mum friends and I do, and I won, even with the theme of TV! I don't watch much so I wasnt hopeful, but yay!
And to make someone else smile, Rox and I played for ages with the Paw Patrol sit-on car we have, making the lights flash, the sounds blare, and riding on top. Love her laugh!!

Lou x