Mindfulness means "maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens," according to Berkley University.

It's a fantastic tool to have up your sleeve when you're working on improving your mental wellbeing. However, we all have heard how detrimental social media - and Facebook in particular - can be, harmful for minds young and old alike, so I am examining today how mindfulness can help us improve our relationship with these modern platforms. 

How To Use Facebook Mindfully: Examining 6 Top Reasons People Love That Platform!

1. It's great for reminding you of birthdays. An 'on-the-day' reminder may be too late to post a gift, but at least you can drop them a message. How can you be mindful about this? You could set aside some time to write the birthday boy/girl a proper message, or give them a call. From another angle you could look ahead for the month and remember who is coming up with celebration days. How do you feel about that? Would you like to do more for them than sending them a quick meme?

2. Attention seekers - a perfect tool for them!
Posting what you had for lunch, a post-workout selfie, updating the world with photos of the slow growing cactus in your greenhouse... The people who incessantly share mundane moments in their life are looking for validation and don't have much in the 'real' life to entertain themselves, IMO! Yes, share your life and connect with others, but we don't all need to know all the things. Tackling this mindfully could be to unfollow friends who post mindless crap - they won't know you've done so - and be aware of what you're posting yourself. Ask yourself why you're posting this. Should you be connecting directly with someone specific, or actually talking about what the reader may see between the lines? Don't feel like you should  comment on everything, especially inflammatory posts. 

3. "I like to stalk people."
Perusing other people's profiles obsessively can be just that: An obsession. Be it a crush, an ex, a role model, a celebrity... Perhaps more of us have done this that would possibly admit... Sure, no one will know you're looking at their profile, but isn't that a little sinister? Facebook has a specific FAQ on their help centre which addresses this, so it is VERY common.

If you're worried you may be bordering on unhealthy levels of social stalking, a way to tackle this mindfully can be to set yourself a time limit, or set yourself boundaries as to who you allow yourself to browse and scroll through. Also, make a point of registering how you feel when you observe what these people post - if it makes you feel negatively, there's your sign. Perhaps it's time to let go of the hold that ex-boyfriend has on you.

4. Facebook can help while away boring moments in your day. 
But these moments should be just that - moments. Small sections of time when life is quiet, paused - my favourite example of this is when I'm at the bus stop. It's rare, so it's not a great example, but that situation is when I find myself reaching for my phone for entertainment, without fail. In general though, life is too short and too interesting to be scrolling through masses of cat videos and family photo albums by people you wouldn't go for a coffee with. 

5. "It is an essential tool for my work."
This resonates with me more than any of the other five reasons. I believe if I didn't get 90% of my cake orders through Facebook I would use it much less. It's a great source of exposure for my little local business, and such an easy way to engage with customers. I take an approach which has a formula for my business postings - albeit a very simple one - in regard to content, but it seems to work, and keeps me focussed on why I am posting at all. I also try to keep a strict limit on how much time I spend on this. 

6. It's a great way to follow a cause or charity. 
These organisations love their followers, but you're only useful to them if you like and share. And ultimately donate, in most cases. So why not be a little mindful of your causes following and only really follow and engage with the ones you really care about? Go one step further and volunteer!

How have I stepped away from Facebook myself?
I'm not here to prescribe anything or to tell you what to do, this is purely me sharing what has worked for me. 

  - I've turned off my Facebook mobile notifications - I only see I have notifications when I actively log on. 
  - I installed a phone activity tracker for a week to see how many times I checked for messages. It was
    shocking. I have since turned off notifications for Whatsapp and Instagram too. It is me who decides when I look at
    my phone, not a pinging sound. 
  - I often take a break from Facebook - mostly when I go on holiday. I want to be present for me, for my family, to get
​    the most out of the precious times we have together. This also works at the end of the day - I don't touch social
    media after around 8pm to help clear my mind before bed. 
  - This isn't a Facebook thing, but a wider social media point - I've really stepped back from Twitter now, with my
    business hat on. I researched where my orders come from and the engagements through tweets were not fruitful
    enough. I now focus more in Instagram and Facebook. I dip in and out of Twitter still, but only when there's
    something specific happening, like #collabhour or a national food day (e.g. Chocolate Cake Day - Jan 27th - when I
    share my chocolate creations). 
  - I only share what truly amuses or informs me, something I really care about and I've enjoyed
    reading/watching and think my friends may gain something from it. Otherwise, what is the point?
  - I've had a 'friend purge', cutting right back to people I'd actually care to see updates from. This knocked out some
    old school friends I realistically know nothing about aside from what they've posted recently, and businesses who
    have their own profiles and are based far from where I live now we've moved. 

Facebook will always throw in a curveball, the odd advert/possible connection/news article/blog post/friend update to tempt you to buy or view elsewhere or connect with someone you don't really know; that's their business. You can control what you see, to a degree, (especially by having a purge, like above) even though the algorithms have massive control.

Being 'present' and aware of your activities and emotions helps. Try not to mindlessly scroll, but actively look for people/things which interest you. Facebook is the biggest social network in the world, but you don't want or need to know about it all. 

In summary, and as Parentology says, too much Facebook is bad for your health. Actually, the Guardian suggests that a 'Facebook holiday' -  taking a break from it - can be very beneficial, especially for heavy users or 'lurkers'. Yes, it's addictive, but maybe turn those notifications off for a while to resist temptation. But when you do log in, try to be mindful about how you're using the app, for your own wellbeing's sake. 

Let me know what you think - am I talking sense? Anyone have any more tips?

Lou x

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Born to be a Tourist

This is my book shelf. 

I love books and just wanted to share my shelves with you this week. It's nothing special, a fiver off a car boot sale, but these shelves are special to me. 

You can see it's not all books... I don't have a lot of storage in my current place and my DVDs need somewhere to go!

I have many more books than this - my windowsill is also piling up with books I want to read in the future. My elephants are kept company by books I love. 

I try to keep the books I know I will read again, but sometimes my list of books I want to read (and therefore have a copy stored somewhere) is an even bigger pile!

The ornaments are treasures from my life. I collect elephant figurines, so there's a few here. I also have gifts from my boyfriend, a hardy plant (can't believe it's still alive!), and one of my favourite photos of me. I really feel like these three shelves reflect who I am!

I will always have a book shelf. I tried out the phenomenon of the ebook last week, and I still prefer paperbacks. Even if my living quarters get too small one day for an actual bookcase, I'll probably pile my books on top of the toilet or something - somewhere!!

What does your bookshelf look like?

Lou x

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Born To be A Tourist

It’s Friday again! This week’s Miss Write post is a little one,  a little poignant, and a little sad one.

Tonight sees the start of the countdown to me removing my book from Amazon.

You heard me right. This is my final blog post as a writer with a novel to sell on Amazon. This coming Wednesday 31st July, I am going to be taking GIRL MEETS BOYS, my debut novel, down from the online supermarket giant. It's been published since October 2010, but both the paperback and the ebook will be unavailable after this date.

If you want to grab a copy, now’s the time to do it! 

It’s a piece of history in a short volume… Err… Or just a damn funny account of my experiences of online dating. How can you resist the cute cover?!? (Still love that!)

Read exactly why I’m taking my book down from Amazon here, and let me know if you agree...

I’m working on my next big thing this weekend, so hopefully it won’t be long before I have something new to show off. Bear with, bear with!

Have a great weekend,

Lou x

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Born To Be A Tourist

I’ve decided to take my debut novel down from Amazon. ‘Girl Meets Boys’, my internet age rom com was published in Autumn of 2010 and I had the aim of having just one stranger buy a copy. The books have sold better than I ever expected on both ebook and in paperback and I’ve made a surprising amount of cash, but it’s time for the party to end.

“But why?!” I hear you exclaim.

There are several reasons why I’m going to stop selling my novel online.

I stopped promoting ‘Girl Meets Boys’ about 18 months ago, with the thought that I can’t go on about it perpetually. People would get sick of hearing about it, I was sure! The mini book tour of local libraries and book shops stopped. I didn’t do the weekly mention of it on my Facebook and Twitter pages. I removed copies on display in local shops.

The main reason I’m taking the book down is that I am no longer proud of the publication. Don’t get me wrong, I was overjoyed when I held my first printed copy of the first book I’d ever written. I was excited with every sales figure update and grateful for every cheque which followed. But I know I can do better now. I don’t want this book to be a reflection of my writing abilities, as I feel I have progressed a long way since the date ‘Girl Meets Boys’ was published.

Sure, if I kept it available online I would sell some more copies, but I think I’d prefer to treat it as an achievement and work even harder on my current novel – my Next Big Thing, working title ‘Scrabble Pieces’.

My blogs, both here and at Born To Be A Tourist, are booming with visitor numbers, with new people discovering content and commenting every month. My monthly MK Pulse column is still being accepted with open arms, for which I am very grateful, and I am still writing the odd short story. I think I have enough on my plate writing-wise, even without ‘Scrabble Pieces’ text slowly crawling onto the page. I’ll soon have something back on Amazon to show you, guys! I’ll be removing the book from Amazon in July, so if you do still want to order a copy, go for it (and thanks!) - you have a month or so to grab one.

‘Girl Meets Boys’ will always have a little place in my heart, being my first novel, but it’s time has come and gone. Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish. 

Keep writing, and thanks for your on-going support for this blog. 

Lou x

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Born To Be A Tourist

This is my short story for Halloween 2012, DAWN OF THE DINERS. Towcester Writers seemed to like it, so I entered it into an Ether Books competition and ended up placed 4th out of 64. I'm pretty pleased with that, since it was my first ever spooky or horror themed piece!

It's available to download to your iPhone or iPad from the Ether Books app, should you want it easy access to scare folks tonight. 

I know a couple of people have been keen to read it and don't have an i-whatsit, so here it is. Thanks for reading and a HUGE thanks to all who downloaded the story originally through Ether Books.

Lou x

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P.S. Thanks to the brilliant Sarah Logan from Cake Short and Sweet for the title inspiration!

                                                              - - - - - 

Dawn of the Diners


Digging and shovelling. The metallic sounds of the spade sliced through the ground.

The gravedigger was a little later this year with his annual job of unveiling the graveyard. ‘Early bird catches the worm’ was his mantra, even if his clients preferred a more substantial diet.

Her eyes still closed, Marjorie ran her tongue along her teeth and smiled. ‘Not lost any this year,’ she noted to herself, not without a sense of pride. She’d always had good teeth. Rotating her aching ankles and rolling her shoulders, she readied herself for some freedom. Marjorie had been cooped up in her rotting abode for far too long; she needed some fresh air. Fresh food. Her breathing was shallow, having woken from an extended hibernation. The thought of the forth-coming feast only quickened the process of the re-awakening.

Autumn was her favourite time of year. Unlike most of her kind, Marjorie took in the surroundings while she was on the rampage. The leaves gently crunched under foot; every year it was a softer sound than she recalled. Birds welcomed winter, singing songs of encouragement to their families to begin the migration south. The sun shone a shine which would have made for a deliciously hot summers day, had there not been a biting wind. It was a beautiful morning to start anew.

Scraping and scooping. Marjorie could hear the gravedigger shuffling around a few inches above her head. He was getting closer. Six feet under is quite a way down to dig. Some of her older friends took great pride in showing their age in explaining this was due to the spread of the 14th Century Bubonic plague epidemic. The depth of the graves certainly made life more difficult for the caretaker of the ancient churchyard around Halloween. At least it prevents foxes digging them up – every zombie’s worst nightmare, an unpleasant early wakening for the dormant dead.

Marjorie loved her job (with 364 days annual leave who would complain?!) and couldn’t wait to get started. She enjoyed the reunions, the celebratory feasting, and the frantic ways her friends lived out a full year in a day. You can probably imagine, there was not a lot to catch up on gossip-wise as the vast majority of her decomposing friends had been snoozing for 12 months. However, there were always the newbies to meet, the stories from the more intrepid day trippers, a lot of sex, and some of the more house-bound caught up on their Dexter box sets – all alongside almost constant feeding. It was a full life, as far as the ‘living’ could be described. All they had to do was make sure they were back in their graves before November arrived. It was a busy day, by anyone’s standards.

Cutting and sawing. It sounded like a freshly oiled tool to Marjorie; perhaps she was first to be seen to this year. She could hear grunts from the effort it took to saw through the thinning, rotting wooden box. Marjorie wondered how many more Halloweens the old man would see. The gravedigger would retire one day, or hopefully join them underground. The church would probably recruit a replacement. Marjorie couldn’t imagine what that job description would say and how much of the role would remain ‘unofficial’…

Marjorie’s breathing was returning to normal. She reached up to smooth her 105 year old hair as best she could, and examined her rotten fingernails. Such a contrast from when she was Living. She missed feeling clean and ladylike, but one could only do so much with such a decaying mess of a corpse.

A final brush down of dirt. A stilted upwards wrench of the lid, splitting in the damp. The coffin was going to need a new lid in a year or so. A sudden burst of daylight caused Marjorie to squint. Still lying on her wooden bed, she lifted her arm to shield her eyes until they readjusted. With a small nod to his friend, the old man, silhouetted against the sun, shuffled off to the next grave to continue his work. “Paul Peterson,” the headstone announced. He was a relatively new addition to the graveyard. Marjorie privately hoped he’d remember her from last year’s festivities.

Marjorie groaned; eventually she convinced her putrid body it needed to stretch its legs. Being held in a horizontal position with no wiggle room for 12 months meant that her first few achy steps proved to be awkward. Arthritis wasn’t exactly a typical problem of the living dead, but her creaking limbs had seized up after a year of rest and it was painful to sit up.

She limped off down the overgrown cobbled pathway, partly hampered by her sore joints, and also by her worn heels. They’d never been very suited to the annual stumble towards the town. Marjorie was, as she suspected, the first one to wake this season. She glanced around the quiet churchyard, noticing a couple of new shrubs in the border by the chapel’s entrance. There were also a couple of gravestones marked ‘2012’. The flowers were fresh and the grass laid on the grave was peppered with footprints – always a telling sign. The older graves rarely got visitors.

‘Before long, this place will be full!’ Marjorie thought. Being a zombie wasn’t how it used to be. It was much more fun when there was less competition. Reaching out to open the gate, she noticed the fresh coat of paint it had had. The world had moved on since last year.

‘I’m getting too old for this,’ she thought.

Louise Gibney
October 2012

 

Ok, well, a vote for my spooky story at least. Fellow writers and readers, iPad and iPhone users, are you game? 

I'd written my first Halloween themed story, and tested it out at Towcester Writers' Group last week. Now I've gathered enough (eye)balls this week to submit it to the Halloween Ether Books contest. All I need is your vote!