(Not so) Bonkers About Bacon – Miss Write

And here’s the news. It’s bacon flavoured.

As Taco Bell launches it’s breakfast menu this week, the world seems to have jumped on the band wagon and joined them in vamping up the appreciation for piggy strips. Taco Bell’s menu may look less than enticing, but it seems the worlds has gone even more mad for bacon than ever before. I heard BBC Radio DJ Chris Evans talking about the way he makes a bacon sandwich on his breakfast show this week. You should have heard it – you might have thought he was a Michelin Star chef! Everyone seems to have their own ‘perfect’ bacon butty recipe, be it complicated or simple, and no one else’s will ever touch it. Good grief… It’s just a hot meat sandwich.

Maybe I’m a bit biased here, as I can’t eat bread, but I don’t feel that way about other sandwich fillings. It’s the bacon which gripes me. It ain’t THAT tasty!

The madness continues in the news this week: Yesterday, The Telegraph reported bacon being found on a community litter pick. Eat it, or don’t buy it. Don’t throw it into the sea, people! 

On Wednesday, Ritz biscuits announced they’ll be making bacon flavoured crackers – what a way to ruin a classic snack! Note: There’s no actual bacon in the new cracker, just the essence of bacon using seasoning. 

Also on Wednesday, it was announced that Texas Rangers fans will be able to enjoy ‘bacon on a stick’ as a game snack. Sounds… delightful.

A ‘friend’ (kidding with the quote marks!) of mine highlighted this ‘delicious’ bacon soap and said it would make a great wedding present… 

And some nutjob from Utah, USA even used bacon in an arson attack, it was reported yesterday.  

The news is just FULL of bacon this week!

So. Where am I going with this? My blog is not a news channel… 

“Mmmmm, bacon.” Sound familiar?

Honestly, the wonder of bacon is a mystery to me. Of course, I know where it comes from, and I can imagine how it’s pimped and packaged for the shelves in the shop, but the real mystery is why does everyone seem to rave about it so much? Someone I had dinner with a while back thought a bacon butty was a treat, an appropriate main course for ‘dining’ with a dinner guest who’d come from out of town… I’m not fussy, and definitely not a food snob, but it’s just bacon in a bap. Why do people become so enamored with bacon? There’s even a collective on Facebook who openly ‘heart’ the stuff.  

I disagree with all this excitement. Bacon is ugly. It’s salty and fatty. There’s a fine balance in the cooking between too crispy and too floppy. Bacon is not especially cheap or luxurious, and those white streaks in it make me feel a little ill.

Again, in the news this week, Bloomberg TV announced that bacon is cheaper in Canada than it is in the USA. I lived in Canada for a while, studying, working, including almost a year solid, and I wonder how much this cheaper variation of the sliced pork has influenced my opinion? I remember Canadian friends almost celebrating their bacon butties, but I could never understand the fascination.

The smell of it is what bacon-lovers (the general population) seem to salivate over the most. The pungent, unmistakable smell which comes from the grill pan or frying pan screams breakfast for many people, especially in the UK and the USA. It’s an ‘essential’ element to a Full English Breakfast, apparently. I always drop my bacon on my boyfriend’s plate – and pinch his mushrooms!

I’ll stick to muesli, I think. I don’t care if that’s boring. Bacon reminds me of stinking hangovers accompanied by the stink of bacon coming from my student kitchen from my Uni days. Ick! You know how smell can bring back vivid memories? Well, the aggressive smell really reminds me of vodka induced headaches and a queasy stomach.

I hear bacon has been the temptation of many a would-be vegetarian. It was the reason they were “turned”. Bacon is often a glorious gateway into eating meat again for a lot of veggies.  “I’m a Veggie + Bacon.” Hah! At least it’s not Veggie + Battery Chickens / Unsustainable Fish.

If you’re looking for trouble-making or day-ruining with bacon, I can find little more than a clever insult from someEEcards (love ‘em!). It’s a little lower key than bacon arson!

Check out Chow who’s introduced me to a new word: FLEXITARIAN! I’m all for a varied diet, but why BACON, of all things, to turn you from a life philosophy and choice… Personally, the “turning” would be more likely the other way. Bacon could easily turn me off meat, if that was all that was on offer. 

And what about those poor, poor people named after the streaky meat? 

Richard Bacon: He ruined Blue Peter for me!

Francis Bacon: Long dead and hardly my cup of tea (1626). 

Poor old Francis Bacon would probably agree with me on my crisped confusion over bacon. He famously died by contracting pneumonia while studying the effects of freezing on the preservation of meat. Was it bacon, by any chance?

Kevin Bacon: Eurgh – when the EE adverts appear on the TV, I turn over… Although kudos for the remake of the ‘Footloose‘ dance on ‘The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon‘ on Monday night – that was kind of awesome. Reluctantly… “Happy 30th Birthday, Footloose”.

For all you bacon freaks, I don’t apologise for this blog post. I would simply signpost you and your bacon cravings to Bacon Today, a daily bacon newspaper. Please, someone make the bacon and walnut cake – it sounds good, but I couldn’t handle a bacon cake! 

Bacon is mainly fat and protein, so I guess over the stages of human evolution we have had it playing a larger role in our diets. In times if healthier choices of eating and what seems like weekly food scares, maybe bacon could be something you could cut back on. Especially if you share a house with me. Think of how happy my nostrils would be!

In the meantime, I’ve found the perfect place to hang out.. You might find me escaping in a certain South Natick, Massachusetts library…

Until next time, 

Lou x 

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Born To be A Tourist